Joke #1605

Men are like.....Commercials. You can't believe a word they say
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How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
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A family went to a nudist camp for their vacation. The young son came back to the tent and said, "Wow, Mom! You should see some of those girls. They've got these HUGE..." "Yes, well," his mother sniffs. "The larger they are, the dumber the woman." Next day the boy comes back to the tent again. "You wouldn't believe some of the guys out there. They have these HUGE..." "Yes, well, like I said, the bigger they are, the dumber the man." "Really?" the boy said, frowning with puzzlement. "We might be in trouble, Mom." "Why, honey?" "Because Dad's out there talking to a really stupid girl, and he's getting dumber by the minute."
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Q: What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? A: A dic-tater.
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"I can't wait for Father's Day" said no man ever.
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Q. What do you call a sensitive, intelligent man? A. An oxymoron.
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A man was digging a ditch, when he uncovered a lamp. When he brushed it off, a genie popped out, and said "To show my gratitude for releasing me, I'll grant you one wish.." The man thought for a second, reached into his pocket, pulled out a map of the world, pointed to the Middle-East, and replied "I want you to bring peace to this area." "Ooooh...I'm so sorry, that's impossible" said the genie. "There's absolutely no way I could accomplish such a great feat, so you'll have to choose another wish..." The man then said "Well...then how about having my wife give me oral-sex voluntarily...?" The genie thought for a minute, then said "Can I see that map again..?"
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How do most men compare to Mel Gibson? They have everything he has, except talent, money, and looks.
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Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
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John it’s alright muttering a few words in the church and finding yourself married, but if you mutter a few words in your sleep you might find yourself divorced.
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If men got pregnant.... abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows.
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