Men are like.....Commercials. You can't believe a word they say
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common? Men always miss them.
A man walks into a bar and says "I just got back from the battered woman's shelter, and boy are my arms tired." Everyone laughed. The man sat at the end of the bar drinking alone. He was proud of the fine craftsmanship of the shelves he put up in the shelter's pantry, regardless of what others may think.
What's the difference between a bachelor & a married man? Bachelor comes home, see's what's in the fridge & goes to bed. Married man comes home, see's what's in the bed & goes to the fridge.
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.
It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it.
Q: How do you piss off a man? A: Stand on his back and piss.
They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach. But personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
Why do so many women fake orgasm? Because so many men fake foreplay.
General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKensie asks: "So how are your men?" "Very well trained, Gral. McKenzie." "I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they're the bravest men all over the country." "Well, my men are very brave, too." "I'd like to see that." So Marshall calls private Cooper and says: "Private Johnson! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!" "Are you crazy? It'd kill me, you idiot! I'm out of here!" As private Johnson ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said: "You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general."