Joke #1605

Men are like.....Commercials. You can't believe a word they say
Vote:
has 36.09 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: men

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A rumor.
Vote:
has 70.40 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: men
Why are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half time.
Vote:
has 36.09 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: husband, men, time
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? They won't stop to ask directions!
Vote:
has 31.56 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: men
10 things men don't say 1)Let's watch Lifetime. 2)Sex is overrated. 3)I don't want to go too far on the first date. 4)Yes, your sister does have bigger breasts than you. 5)Don't we owe your mother a visit? 6)I'm relieved I don't have a large penis weighing me down. 7)Dessert goes right to my hips. 8)I hate when I miss Oprah. 9)Does this suit make me look fat? 10)I'll never get tired of listening to Dido.
Vote:
has 31.54 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: men, mother in law, music, sex
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
Vote:
has 85.32 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: life, mean, men, women
How can you tell if a man is aroused? He's breathing.
Vote:
has 54.87 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: men
A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his pants to his bride and said, "here put these on." She put them on, and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can’t wear your pants," she said. "That’s right!" said the husband, "and don’t you forget it. I’m the man who wears the pants in this family!" With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on." He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. He said, "Hell, I can’t get into your panties!" She said, "That’s right, and that’s the way it’s going to be until you change your attitude…"
Vote:
has 83.20 % from 124 votes. More jokes about: couple, holiday, men, wedding
A new bride was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"
Vote:
has 64.23 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, men
I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labour and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you’re the new father of twins!" The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wife’s room. About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith’s wife has just had triplets. Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company." The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air." The man continued, "I work for 7-UP."
Vote:
has 76.19 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: dad, hospital, men, nurse, wife
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her. HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN Arrive naked... with beer.
Vote:
has 84.92 % from 1069 votes. More jokes about: beer, love, men, romantic, women