Men are like.....Commercials.
You can't believe a word they say
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A man walked into the doctor's office and said: "Doc, I've eaten something that disagrees with me."
A voice from his stomach replies: "No you haven't."
I only wanted to have a child, not marry one.
After spending 20 minutes trying to get my wife's bra off, I decided to give up,
I wish I'd never put it on now.
I am a marvelous housekeeper.
Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind.
After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they retired to bed.
So, both go to their separate beds, however the man was not yet ready to slumber.
The man called over to his wife, "My little boopey-boo, I'm lonely."
So the woman gets out of bed and crosses the room to the husband.
On the way she trips on the carpet and falls on her face.
The husband with a concerned look on his face says, "Oh, did my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey-wosey?"
The woman gets up and enters the man's bed.
The two make passionate love and afterwards the women rolls out.
As she is returning to her bed, she once again catches her foot on the carpet and falls flat on her face.
The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and says, "Clumsy idiot."
What do men and sperm have in common?
They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
They put one man on the moon.
Why can’t they put them all there?
Brrr! My hands are cold.
Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.