A man ask his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?" Wife says, "I would take half and leave you". Man says, "Great! I have won a tenner, here a fiver now f*ck off!
Q: What is height of Stupidity? A: A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
I only wanted to have a child, not marry one.
A man went into the drugstore and asked for a deodorant. "The ball type?" asked the clerk. "No," said the dumb man. "It's for my underarms."
How can you tell if a man is happy? Who cares?
A doctor says to his patient, "I have bad news and worse news." "Oh dear, what's the bad news?" asks the patient. The doctor replies, "You only have 24 hours to live." "That's terrible," said the patient. "How can the news possibly be worse?" The doctor replies, "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
A gentleman was having some physical problems and his doctor told him that he had to drink warm water with Epsom salts one hour before breakfast. At the end of a week he returned and the doctor asked if he was feeling better. The man said that he actually felt worse. “Did you drink warm salt water an hour before breakfast each day?” the Doc asked. “No,” replied the man somberly, letting out a sigh. “I could only do about 15 minutes!”
What's the Australian Male's idea of foreplay? "Brace yourself, Sheila."
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" "Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?" "The tombstone back there said... 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'
Why did the blonde have a sore belly button? Because there are blonde men too!