One day a rather inebriated ice fisherman drilled a hole in the ice and peered into the hole and a loud voice said, "There are no fish down there."
He walked several yards away and drilled another hole and peered into the hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there."
He then walked about 50 yards away and drilled another hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there."
He looked up into the sky and asked, "God, is that you?"
"No, you idiot," the voice said, "it's the rink manager."
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Why did the referee have such a high phone bill?
Because he made to many calls!
Joe loved golf, but his eyesight had gotten so bad, that he couldn't find his ball once he'd hit it.
He consulted with his wife, and she recommended that Joe bring along her uncle Ted.
Joe said, "But Ted is 80 years old and half senile!"
His wife replied, "Yes, but his eyesight is incredible."
Joe finally agreed and took Ted along.
He teed off and could feel that he had hit it solidly.
He asked Ted, "Do you see it?"
Ted nodded his head and said, "Boy, that was a beautiful shot!"
Joe excitedly asked, "Well, where did it land?!"
Ted said, "Hmmm. I forget."
My dad is really annoyed, I had the TV on and he accidentally saw the entire football match – he’d just wanted to watch the results on the news.
Chuck Norris can bungee jump with out a rope.
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Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
Rocky Balboa was a lucky man because Chuck Norris didn't pursue a boxing carreer.
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Q. What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
A. The PGA tour
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Ballet is banned within a 1000 miles of Chuck Norris.
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I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.