One day a rather inebriated ice fisherman drilled a hole in the ice and peered into the hole and a loud voice said, "There are no fish down there."
He walked several yards away and drilled another hole and peered into the hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there."
He then walked about 50 yards away and drilled another hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there."
He looked up into the sky and asked, "God, is that you?"
"No, you idiot," the voice said, "it's the rink manager."
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Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson?
He thought he would give him a paunch!
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A psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving give an oral quiz to the freshman class.
Speaking specifically about manic depression, the instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"
Did you know you can download the whole Tyson-Holyfield fight off the internet?
It doesn’t take much memory – just two Bytes.
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Q: How can you tell if a University of Tennessee football player is married?
A: There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup truck.
What’s the hardest thing about learning to ice skate?
The ice.
Two women are talking. ‘You know,’ says one.
‘Eighty per cent of men think the best way to end an argument is to make love.’
‘Well,’ says the other.
‘That will certainly revolutionise the game of hockey!’
He was a colourful boxer.
Black and blue all over.
The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel.
"Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match."
The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.
"Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "we'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres... We can't lose!"
Everyone agreed it was a good idea.
The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play.
The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match.
"I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.
"Second?!!" exclaimed the surprised Pope.
"You came in second to Shimon Peres?!!"
"No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."
Chuck norris went skydiving and his parachute failed to open, so he took it back the next day for a refund
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