Joke #3462

One day Stan comes home from a hard day at work. He sees his wife bending down to clean the floor under the sofa. So Stan goes over to his wife and starts fucking her from behind. After he finishes, he gives her a hard smack to the head. His wife yells, ''What was that for!?'' To which Stan replies, ''That's for not checking to see who it was.''

Tom, Frank, and Harry are fishing in a boat. Frank stands up to get a beer, loses his balance, falls in the lake, and dissapears. After a few minutes, and no sign of Frank, Tom tells Harry he better go in after him. Harry drags him into the boat and notices hes not breathing. "Better give him mouth-to-mouth" says Tom. "Whew! I don't remember him having this bad of breath!" says Harry. Tom replies, "Oh yeah, well I don't remember him wearing a snowmobile suit!"

Q. Why do golfers carry two pairs of trousers with them? A. Just in case they get a hole in one.

Golfer: "Well, I have never played this badly before!" Caddy: "I didn't realize you had played before, sir!"

Paddy asks Murphy, 'Why do scuba divers fall off their boats backwards?" Murphy replies, "If they fell forwards they'd still be on the f*cking boat!"

Q: What's brown and very bad for your dental health? A: A baseball bat.

Rugby player: "Doctor, doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror - I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" Doctor: "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."

It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. "No" says the neighbor. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?" The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married." "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's terrible... But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The man shakes his head. "No,” he says. “They're all at the funeral."

Dad shouts: "Stop watching porn, I can hear it in my room!" Son: "Dad.. I'm not watching porn, that is Maria Sharapova playing Tennis!"

Golfer: "My wife says if I don't stop playing golf she's going to leave me!" Caddy: "I'm sure you will miss her terribly, sir!"

Chuck Norris can run a full marathon in just 3 miles.