Joke #3585

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Mohan (to the doctor): "Doctor, can you diagnose my Illness?" Doctor: "Your eyesight seems to be poor." Mohan: "How did you come to that conclusion?" Doctor: "You seemed to have missed noticing the sign, hung outside. This is a veterinary hospital."
Vote: has 83.02 % from 72 votes. Send joke:

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Chuck Norris has only used the 'Total Gym' twice in his life. When his eyes are open - and when they are closed.
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I know a lady who blew her man's jimmy off because he wanted to be down with O.P.P. Now he down with No P.P.
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Doctor: "What seems to be your trouble?" Patient: "When I get up I feel dizzy for one hour." Doctor: "Try getting up one hour later."
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

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An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates. Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be." The priest replies: "Get out. You're on my side."
Vote: has 81.23 % from 51 votes. Send joke:

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Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guys says, "What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear." "I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says. "I just need to outrun you."
Vote: has 72.04 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

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What is the best type of ship? FRIENDSHIP!
Vote: has 52.93 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

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When do cannibals cook you? On Fried-days.
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The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
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Q: What is height of forgetfulness? A: Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
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