A female school teacher comes up to a parent at a parent meeting and says, "You know, your son called me a prostitute!"
Dad calls up his son and says: "So this teacher teaches you, helps you, wants you to get good grades and for all that you call her a prostitute?? what do you care about what she does after work?"
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I was gutted this afternoon when my wife told me my 6 year old son wasn't actually mine.
She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.
The absent-minded teacher paused to chat awhile with one of her students, then asked, "Which way was I going when I stopped to talk to you?"
"That way", the student pointed.
''Good,'' said the teacher, ''then I've had my lunch."
Teacher: Where are the Great Plains located?
Tommy: At the great airports!
Father: Son this time, you have to score 90% marks in your exams.
Son: No father I'll score 100% marks.
Father: Why are you kidding?
Son: Who started?
Why did the teacher jump into the lake?
Because she wanted to test the waters!
Little Johnny was in class and the teacher said "what we are going to do today class is, I am going to give you a letter and I want someone to raise their hand and if l call on you l want you to give me a word that begins with that letter. So The teacher says "A" and Little Johnny immediately raises his hand but the teacher knows he will say asshole so she calls on Little Mary and she says "apple."
"Very good" the teacher replied. "Okay, how about the letter B"
Little Johnny once again immediately raises his hand and says "please please pick me" so the teacher thinks for a moment and inside her head knows he'll say bitch or bastard, so she skips over Little Johnny and calls on Little Brad and Little Brad replies "boat."
"Very good Brad" the teacher says. "Now how about C" the teacher asks.
Immediately Little Johnny's eyes light up and this time says "oh pick me, pick me l know one" the teacher instantly goes right to Little Bobby and he says "car."
"That's a good one Bobby."
So the teacher does the same thing with the letter D and ignores Little Jonny raising his hand.
Now the teacher says "You're all doing a great job class, how about E" this time Little Johnny stands up waving his arms begging for a chance.
So the teacher pauses for a solid 10 to 15 seconds and can't think of one bad word that begins with the letter E.
So she reluctantly calls on Little Johnny and Little Johnny very nicely and calmly says "Elephant" and before the much-relieved teacher can even exhale, Little Johnny puts both hands up out in front of himself approximately two feet apart and yells out "with a fucking cock this big!
Boy: “Isn’t the principal a dummy!”
Girl: “Say, do you know who I am?”
Boy: “No.”
Girl: “I’m the principal’s daughter.”
Boy: “And do you know who I am?”
Girl: “No,”
Boy: “Thank goodness!”
Julia began her job in a secondary school as a counselor and she was keen to help the pupils.
One day during break-time she noticed a girl standing all by herself on one side of the playing field while the rest of the children were enjoying a game of soccer at the other end of the field.
Julia approached and asked if she was all right.
The girl said that she was.
Some time later, however, Julia noticed that the girl was in exactly the same spot, still by herself.
Going up to her again, she enquired, 'Would you like me to be your friend?'
The girl hesitated, then said, 'Alright,' while looking at Julia with some suspicion.
Feeling she was making progress, Julia then asked, 'Why are you standing here all alone?'
'Because,' the girl said with a large sigh, 'I'm the goalie!'
Johnny's father: "Let me see your report card."
Johnny: "I don't have it."
Johnny's father: "Why not?"
Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
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