A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the graded tests back out. This student got back his test, his test grade, and $64 change.
Son: I can't go to school today. Father: Why not? Son: I don't feel so well. Father: Where does it hurt? Son: In school.
Little Johnny comes home from his first day of school. His mother asks, "What did you learn in school today?" Little Johnny replies, "Not much. They want me back tomorrow.
Teacher: Billy, name two pronouns. Billy: Who, me? Teacher: Very good!
Teacher: "Alex, stop showing off. Do you think you are the teacher of this class?" Alex: "No, Miss." Teacher: "Then stop acting like a fool!"
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed... driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What the hell is taking so long? Hit the damned ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Give me a break! You don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here."
Little Johnny asks the teacher, "Mrs Roberts, can I be punished for something I haven't done?" Mrs Roberts is shocked, "Of course not, Johnny, that would be very unfair!" Little Johnny is relieved, "OK Mrs Roberts, sorry, I haven't done my homework."
Joe: What’s the king of all school supplies? Moe: I don’t know. What? Joe: The ruler.
"What shall we play today?" said Florence to her best friend Jenny. "Let's play schools," said Jenny. "OK!" said Florence. "But I'm going to be absent."
Q: What do you call a black guy who goes to college? A: A Basketball player.
Johnny comes home from school and asks his mom what is a "period". His mom says that "A period is when a woman needs to realease her dead egg cells". Johnny asks what color is it. She says it's red. Johnny said "I have one of those but mine is white and it makes babies."