How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two.
One to change it and one to keep interrupting by standing up and shouting "Objection!"
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.
Having lawyers make laws is like having doctors make diseases.
Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, lawyer is always the third thing they look up?
Because the first thing a child looks up is dog.
The second is snake.
And under snake, the encyclopedia says See Lawyer.
Lawyer’s creed – a man is innocent until proven broke.
What would you do if your were in a large room, all sealed up, no windows, the door was locked, and there were 5 hungry tigers, 32 vultures, 17 spitting cobras, 213 tarantulas, 1 laywer, and you had a gun with only two bullets?
Shoot the lawyer twice.
Q: And do you have a lock on your locker?
A: Yes sir.
Out of courtesy, sharks never attack lawyers.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?
A: Clothes.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to build a wall?
A: Depends on how deep you stack them.
Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
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