Daddy, why doesn’t this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
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Hide all of the desktop icons on someone's computer and replace the monitor's wallpaper with a screen-shot of their desktop.
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I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my first child.
"Have you got the address of the butter website?"
"Yes, but don't spread it around."
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Computers are like air conditioners.
They work fine until you start opening windows.
90% of programmer errors come from data from other programmers.
The extra RAM slots have tractor parts stored in them.
What do you get when you try to cross a pit bull with a computer?
A lot of bites.
Chuck doesn't have e-mail, he has HE-mail.
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Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years.
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
