Once a programmer drowned in the sea.
Many Marines where at that time on the beach, but the programmer was shouting "F1 F1" and nobody understood it.
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Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
A rather obese man is very excited about his new job and wants to start work immediately.
However, when he sits down at his computer, the only program installed was spreadsheets.
Confused, the man calls over his boss and asks:"Why there is only excel installed on this computer?"
His boss replies, "It was the only program in your size!"
How do two programmers make money?
One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.
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Only Chuck Norris can dislike on Facebook.
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I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".
Algorithm.
Word used by programmers when they don't want to explain what they did.
Q: What has a key but no lock and has space but no room?
A: A computer?
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The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are the FBI...
At a recent software engineering management course in the US, the participants were given an awkward question to answer.
‘If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?’
Among the forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless.
When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay onboard. With his team’s software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.
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