How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
Are you kidding?
That’s a hardware problem! 
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A group of computer science geeks were listening to a lecture about Java programming at a university.
After the lecture, one of the men leaned over and grabbed a woman’s breast.
Woman: Hey! That’s private OK ?
The man hesitated for a second looking confused.
Man: But I thought we were in the same class.
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Programmer.
A person who fixed a problem that you don't know you have, in a way you don't understand.
Chuck Norris doesn't go on the Internet, he has every Internet site stored in his memory.
He refreshes webpages by blinking.
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Womens are like computer virus...
they ENTER your life...
SEARCH your pocket...
SHIFT your balance ...
CONTROL your life...
when you become an old version DELET you from the system
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
Computer users are divided into three types: novice, intermediate and expert.
Novice users: people who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer.
Intermediate users: people who don’t know how to fix their computer after they’ve just pressed a key that broke it.
Expert users: people who break other people’s computers.
If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.
Q: What do computers and air conditions have in common?
A: They're both become useless when you open windows.
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A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed.
The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain.
They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane.
They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed".
The engineer said "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong".
The programmer said "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"