How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb? Are you kidding? That’s a hardware problem!
If I wanted a warm fuzzy feeling, I'd antialias my graphics!
How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to change it, and two to complain about how bad GE's customer support is.
HR manager to job candidate: ‘I see you’ve had no computer training. Although that qualifies you for upper management, it means you’re under-qualified for our entry level positions.’
How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day? Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."
Chuck Norris's programs can pass the Turing Test by staring at the interrogator.
Virus "Windows" found: Delete, Repair, Next?
Yo momma so FAT, she can't save files bigger than 4 GB.
How do you tell an introverted computer scientist from an extroverted computer scientist? An extroverted computer scientist looks at your shoes when he talks to you.
Google is setting up a new search engine to answer life's difficult and most complex questions with the response always being the same... Chuck Norris.
A big party is being held to honor relational database systems and their impact on modern society. Outside the venue, the host awaits the guests. The first limousine arrives and out steps Oracle followed by 4 people. Host: Who have you brought along? Oracle: I have 4 DBA's in tow. One to install me, one to design the databases, one to administer me, and the other to justify the cost. A second limo arrives and out steps DB2 followed by 40 people. Host: Who have you bought along? DB2: I have 2 DBA's, 2 hardware specialists, and 36 consultants. A third limo arrives and out steps SQL Server all on his own. Host: Why haven't you brought anyone? SQL Server: I didn't bring anyone because I am easy to install and am basically self managing. But I did bring the #sqlhelp Twitter hashtag for when the excrement hits the fan. 20 minutes later, up rushes MySQL, unshaved, hair a mess. Host: Where have you been MySQL? MySQL: Sorry, I thought it was February 31st.