Joke #2905

How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb? Are you kidding? That’s a hardware problem!
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C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
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Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends' food looked like.
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James Bond got this email from a friend: CanYouPleaseFixTheSpaceBarOnMyKeyboard?
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An engineer, a manager and a programmer are driving down a steep mountain road. The brakes fail and the car careens down the road until it hits a tree. They all get out and discuss how to fix the car. The manager says, ‘To fix this problem we need to organise a committee and develop a mission statement.’ The engineer says, ‘That would take too long. I have my penknife here. I’ll take apart the brake system, isolate the problem, and correct it.’ The programmer says, ‘No, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again.’
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Our staff has completed the 3 years of work on time and under budget. We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system. We have analyzed all databases, all data files, including backups and historic archives, and modified all data to reflect the change. We are proud to report that we have completed the "Y-to-K" date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs and all data to reflect the following new standards: Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk, August, September, October, November, December and... Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak, Thursdak, Fridak, Saturdak I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be honest, none of this Y-to-K problem has made any sense to me. But I understand it is a global problem, and our team is glad to help in any way possible.And what does the year 2000 have to do with it? Speaking of which, what do you think we ought to do next year when the two digit year rolls over from 99 to 00? We await your direction.
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Q: Why do Java programmers have to wear glasses? A: Because they don't C#.
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Chuck Norris's programs can pass the Turing Test by staring at the interrogator.
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Why did the Irishman give up internet shopping? The trolley kept falling off the computer.
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A tourist was drowning in the sea: Help! Help! He screams. Very calm the fisherman says: Press F1 already and stop screaming. You’re scaring the fishes away.
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Q: What's object-oriented way to become wealthy? A: Inheritance.
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