Joke #5089

There was blonde who wanted to go on a diet. She went to the doctor and asked for his advice. He said that she was going to go on a diet for three days. "Eat anything and everything you want for the first two days of your diet. Then skip the third day." So the blonde went home and ate anything and everything she wanted for the first two days, then she skipped the third day. The next day she went back to the doctor and he asked her, "How is your diet?" She said, "Well, the first two days were easy but that third day was hard. Doing all that skipping made me really tired."

The blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. "I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any." "But I always get it here," says the blonde. "Do you have the container it comes in?" "Yes!" says the blonde, "I will go and get it." She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant." The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container: "To apply, push up bottom."

A blonde and a brunette are skydiving. The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord and nothing happens. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing. The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells, "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"

A blonde finds a lamp with a genie inside. He says, "I will grant you three wishes." The blonde says, "For my first wish, I want my love handles to disappear." The genie replies, "Your wish is my command." Suddenly, the blonde exclaims, "Holy sh*t! What did you do with my ears?"

Chuck Norris drives in reverse and still drives better than you...

Three blondes are stranded on an island. A fairy comes along and says that she will grant each person a wish. So the first blonde says she wants to be really smart so she digs and finds a cell phone and calls the Army. The second blonde says that she wants to be even smarter so she finds a flair and sets it off. The third blonde says that she wants to be even smarter than both of them, so the fairy changes her hair color to black and she says,"Let's go over the bridge."

Q: What is long and hard to a blonde? A: Fourth grade.

Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists? A: The rest are hunting peckers.

Two blondes walk into a building... you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.

A group of blondes was going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer. A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though. One of the blondes says "If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day, I am going to dial 911 and call the cops!"

Q: Why was the blonde late for work? A: She was stranded on the broken escalator.