There was blonde who wanted to go on a diet. She went to the doctor and asked for his advice.
He said that she was going to go on a diet for three days.
"Eat anything and everything you want for the first two days of your diet. Then skip the third day."
So the blonde went home and ate anything and everything she wanted for the first two days, then she skipped the third day.
The next day she went back to the doctor and he asked her, "How is your diet?"
She said, "Well, the first two days were easy but that third day was hard. Doing all that skipping made me really tired." 
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An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.
I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy... Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?"
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, "No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times..."
Q: Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips?
A: From trying to blow out light bulbs.
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A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's up?" he says.
"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy!
Daddy!
Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.
Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.
You rotten bastard, "says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!
Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two, one to hold the light bulb and one to spin the ladder around!
Q: What did the blonde say when she was offered a position at the UN?
A: Would that be a "missionary position?"
A blonde made several attempts to sell her old car.
She was having a lot of problems finding a buyer because the car had 340,000 miles on it.
She discussed her problem with a brunette that she worked with at a bar.
The brunette suggested, "There may be a chance to sell that car easier, but it's not going to be legal."
"That doesn't matter at all," replied the blonde.
"All that matters it that I am able to sell this car."
"Alright," replied the brunette.
In a quiet voice, she told the blonde:
"Here is the address of a friend of mine.
He owns a car repair shop around here.
Tell him I sent you, and he will turn the counter back on your car to 40,000 miles.
Then it shouldn't be a problem to sell your car."
The following weekend, the blonde took a trip to the mechanic on the brunette's advice.
About one month after that, the brunette saw the blonde and asked, "Did you sell your car?"
"No!" replied the blonde.
"Why should I?
It only has 40,000 miles on it."
A brunette goes to the doctor and says, "Everywhere I touch it hurts."
He asks "What do you mean?"
So she showed him what she meant.
She touched her knee and said "Ouch!" Then she touched her chest and said, "Ouch!" Then her shoulder, "Ouch!"
The doctor looks at her and asks, "Your really blonde, aren't you?"
She replies "Yes, as a matter of fact I am. How did you guess?"
Doctor says, "Well your finger is broken."
There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette.
They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away.
The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died.
The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died.
The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.
Q: Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms?
A: They think their picture is being taken.