Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
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Why did Hitler committed a suicide? He received the bill from Gazprom.
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What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common?
Their last big hit was The Wall.
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Q: What's the only thing faster than a black man running away with your TV?
A: His son running away with your VCR.
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Good News: A busload of lawyers ran off a cliff.
The bus was destroyed and there were no survivors.
Bad News: There were three empty seats.
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"My parachute did not work."
Said no one ever.
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Q: What's the best thing about ISIS jokes?
A: The execution.
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How do you blindfold an Asian?
With dental floss!
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What do spinach and anal sex have in common?
If you're forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.
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Q: How many dead babies does it take to shingle a roof?
A: Depends on how thin you slice them.
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Some people just need a hug… Around the neck… with a rope.
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