Q: Whats the difference between a box full of dead babies and a cadillac? A: I don't have a cadillac in my garage.
What's pink and chunky? A baby with leprosy.
Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes. The first man said, "My Ryan loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky." The second man said, "My Ross was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake." The third man said, "My Jack was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just one more time."
An Arabic kid joined my football team. All he did was blow the plays.
Doctor to Patient: "Don’t worry about your heart. It will function as long as you live."
A cab driver reaches the pearly gates. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book and tells him to pick up a gold staff and a silk robe and proceed into Heaven. Next in line is a preacher. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book, furrows his brow and says, "OK, we'll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff." The preacher is shocked and replies, "But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie!" St. Peter responds matter-of-factly, "This is Heaven and up here, we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed."
What's the best way to pick up a Jewish girl? Bring a dustpan to Auschwitz
What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common? Their last big hit was The Wall.
Q. Why did Michael Jackson call Boys II Men? A. He thought it was a home delivery service.
Two clones are on a roof. One clone pushes the other clone off. The next day the police arrest him for making an obscene clone fall.
Whats the difference between a jew camp and a summer camp? The kids come back.