Q: Whats the difference between a box full of dead babies and a cadillac?
A: I don't have a cadillac in my garage.
Vote:
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
Bill Gates goes to purgatory.
St. Peter says, "Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things.
Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go".
First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with beautiful women running on beaches.
Then, St Peter shows Bill an image of Heaven with robed angels playing harps on clouds.
Bill chooses Hell.
About a week later, St. Peter checks in on Bill in Hell and finds him being whipped by demons.
Bill says to St. Peter, "What happened to all the beautiful women and the beaches?"
St. Peter replies, "That was just the screen saver."
Vote:
How long does it take a black lady to shit?
About 9 months.
Vote:
My grandfather can no longer do the things he loved to do as a teenager.
Flying planes, bombing Germans...
Vote:
How do you get a baby to run faster?
Chase it with the lawn mower.
Vote:
On the day of my big job interview I woke up late.
Frantically I threw on a suit.
"OH NO!" I thought. "MY TIE! My Dad was out of town and wasn't there to help me, and for the life of me, I did not know how to tie a tie!"
I grabbed a tie and ran out the door.
"Excuse me sir," I said to the crossing guard, "I have an important job interview, can you please help me make this tie?!"
"Sure," said the guard, "just lie down on this bench."
Well if someone was going to help me I wasn't going to ask any questions.
After he finished and the tie looked good I just had to ask why I had to lie down.
"Well in my previous job I learned how to tie ties on other people when they were lying down." he replied.
"What was your previous job?" I asked incredulously.
"I ran a morgue." was the reply.
Vote:
And these kids do not deserve a present from me, because they have not been eating well this year, - said Santa Claus, flying over the starving kids in Sudan.
Vote:
What did the Boston Marathon bombers do that Hitler couldn't?
Ended a race.
Vote:
Don't break anybody's heart - they have only one.
Break their bones - they have 206.
Vote:
My dad died on 9-11.
He was the best amateur bomber on Iraq's flight team.
Vote:
Q: How many dead babies can you fit in a blender?
A: I don't know, I just like to hear them scream.
Q: How do you get them out?
A: Chips.
Vote: