Q: Whats the difference between a box full of dead babies and a cadillac?
A: I don't have a cadillac in my garage.
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How did the tugboat get AIDS?
It was rear-ended by a ferry.
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What's got four wheels, smokes and squeals?
A bus load of babies on fire.
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Q: What happens if your dishwasher stops working?
A: You punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.
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A daughter wakes up at 3 a.m. and asks her mother:
"Mummy, tell me a fairy-tale."
"Daddy will get back soon and he will tell both of us a fairy tale..."
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First cannibal: "Come and have dinner in our but tonight."
Second cannibal: "What are you having?"
First cannibal: "Hard-boiled legs."
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Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson?
He thought he would give him a paunch!
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I walked passed a burnt out building with a broken sign saying "Fireworks".
How right they were.
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My aunt died, God bless her, at a ripe old age of 104.
We called her Aunt Tique.
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Two guys are bungee-jumping one day.
The first guy says to the second.
"You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico."
The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they’ll need – a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.
They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square.
As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble.
Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work.
The first guy jumps.
He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches.
Unfortunately, the second guy isn’t able catch him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up again.
This time, he is bruised and bleeding.
Again, the second guy misses him.
The first guy falls again and bounces back up.
This time, he comes back pretty messed up – he’s got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.
Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"
The first guy says, "No, the cord was fine, but what the heck is a 'pinata'?"
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How are a lawyer and a prostitute different?
The prostitute stops fucking you after you’re dead.
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