Q: What did one casket say to the sick casket? A: Is that you coughin'?
What's purple, covered in pus and squeals? A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
A blonde hops on and off a curb on a busy street, saying 54 over and over. A brunette walks by and asks what the blonde is doing. The blonde replies that she is jumping on and off the curb saying 54 over and over. The brunette joins her. Soon, the brunette gets hit by a passing car. The blonde watches as the car drives away. The blond then continues to jump on and off the curb, saying 55 over and over.
Girl: "Do you believe in puppy love?" Boy: "I tried it once, but their assholes are too small."
Q: What's the only thing faster than a black man running away with your TV? A: His son running away with your VCR.
Mummy, mummy, why is daddy swaying in the backyard? Shut up, and give me more bullets.
How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them.
Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat’s milk. The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. And they start reminiscing. "This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now." "Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully. "He’s a martyr now though" mum confides. "Oh, so sad, dear" says the other. "And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21." "Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born." "He’s a martyr too" says mum quietly. "Oh, gracious me…" says the other. "And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18," she whispers. "Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school." "He’s a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes. After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says, "They blow up so fast, don’t they?"
Q: What do you call a flying Jew? A: Ashes.
Two cannibals were having lunch. "Your wife makes a great soup," said one to the other. "Yes!" agreed the first. "But I'm going to miss her terribly."