Joke #1121

Q: What did one casket say to the sick casket? A: Is that you coughin'?

A pretty lady is standing on the side of a bridge, looking over it and thinking about jumping off. A homeless alcoholic man comes up to her as he was walking nearby. The lady notices the man coming and says: "Go away! There's nothing you can say to me to change my mind, you cannot help me." "Well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, why don't we have sex? At least I'll enjoy it" replies the man. "No way, you're disgusting, go away." The homeless man turns and starts walking away. The lady thinks: "Is that all you were going to say to me? Nothing more? Won't you try to convince me that life is worth living that I should not jump off? Where are you going?" The homeless man thinks: "I have to make it down to the bottom. If I hurry, you'll still be warm."

Q: How many dead babies can you fit in a blender? A: I don't know, I just like to hear them scream. Q: How do you get them out? A: Chips.

Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy? He did okay until his business fell off.

What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night ? Crib death.

Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated? Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

A large number of Black soldiers died in Iraq war because every time their chief said: "Get on the floor!" they stood up and started dancing.

"If I could be someone for one day I would be Justin Beiber and run off a cliff"

A few days after her husband's death, a grieving widow accidentally receives an e-mail from a man waiting for his wife in Miami. The e-mail reads: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P.S. Sure is hot down here.

Why do cannibals make suitcases out of people's heads? Because they're headcases.