Joke #1121

Q: What did one casket say to the sick casket? A: Is that you coughin'?

Q: What did Hitler get for his birthday? A: An easy bake oven and a GI-Jew.

A nun and a priest decide to take a day off, so they go golfing. The nun gets a hole-in-one, but the priest hits it into a sand trap. He's so angry, he shouts "God dammit, I missed!". The nun reminds him not to take the Lord's name in vain, and the priest apologizes and tries again. He hits it into the rough, and in his anger, shouts "God dammit, I MISSED!". The nun once again tells him not to take the Lord's name in vain, and he apologizes again. On his third shot, he hits it into the water and yells "GOD DAMMIT I MISSED!" and before the nun can say anything, a bolt of lightning strikes the nun, killing her instantly. Out of nowhere, a loud voice booms "God dammit, I missed".

How can you tell if you have acne? If the blind can read your face.

What's funnier than cancer? Most things, really.

My wife and I had been debating whether it was time to start a family when we saw a couple of cute kids, splashing and giggling in a paddling pool. I looked at her and said, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" She smiled and said, "Yes, Gary..." "That settles it, then," I replied. "We can't raise children if we're both paedos."

"If I could be someone for one day I would be Justin Beiber and run off a cliff"

How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole? Stick a javelin through it's head.

One day, Muhammad's wife called him a pedophile. In response, Muhammad asked his wife, "So, how does a 9-year-old know such a big word like that?"

Two Arabs are sitting in the Gaza Strip chatting over a pint of goats milk. One pulls his wallet out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing. "This is my oldest son. He's a martyr. "Here's my second son. He's a martyr too!" After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Arab wistfully says , They blow up so fast, don't they?"

Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend on the wall? A: To see her crack.