Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
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I just had an argument with a girl I know.
She was saying how that it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut.
So in response, I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key.
But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock.
That shut her up.
Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. So if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
What does a man consider a seven course meal?
A hot dog and a six pack.
What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A rumor.
There are 5 birds in a tree.
A hunter shoots 2 of them dead.
How many birds are left?
2 birds.
The other 3 fly away!
Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they don't want ninety per cent of their decisions made by a perfect stranger.
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest..
He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
How does a man show he's planning for the Future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.