What do you call a woman that works like a man??
Lazy.
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Q: What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato?
A: A dic-tater.
How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares?
Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: "I really don't get how he can feed himself with that thing!"
A man and his ever nagging wife were on holiday in Jerusalem, when the wife suddenly died.
The funeral company told the man that it would cost 45000 to ship her home or $500 to bury her in Jerusalem.
The husband said "ship her home".
Shocked, the undertaker asked "but sir, why don't you bury her in the Holy Land and save the money ?"
The husband replied "a long time ago, a man was buried here and 3 days later, he rose from the dead ... I cant take the chance !"
Why do men like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.
Do you know why men have holes in the end of their penises?
So oxygen can get into their brains.
Q: Why all men say "Ladies first"?
A: They want to watch their asses.
Q. What do you call a sensitive, intelligent man?
A. An oxymoron.
A man parachuted out of an aeroplane and his chute did not open.
As he headed for almost certain death, he saw a man coming up toward him through the air from the ground.
As the man zoomed by, the man headed down asked, "Do you know anything about parachutes?"
The man replied in passing, "No, you know anything about gas stoves?"
A man is moaning to his mate that he never has any luck with pulling women.
His mate tells him he has a chat up line that never fails, no matter how good looking the women are he always ends up in bed with them.
Great says his mate, what is it!
Just walk up to any woman you fancy and say, "Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion! Does this damp piece of cloth smell like chloroform to you?"