Joke #3316

What do you call a woman that works like a man?? Lazy.

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

There are 5 birds in a tree. A hunter shoots 2 of them dead. How many birds are left? 2 birds. The other 3 fly away!

Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: "I really don't get how he can feed himself with that thing!"

Q. Why do men name their penises? A. Because they don't want ninety per cent of their decisions made by a perfect stranger.

Men are like.....Laxatives. They irritate the shit out of you.

How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male? All he's concerned with is legs, breasts, and thighs.

Yesterday, government scientists suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned.

Why do men want to vote for a female President? Because we'd only have to pay her half as much.

Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking? They already have boyfriends.

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.