Joke #5133

Why is there always hot water at childbirth? In case of a stillbirth, soup.

In the war, a German ship suspected that they were being tracked by an Irish submarine. Unfortunately, they had used up all of their depth-charges. As an alternative, one of their Divers decided to swim down to the submarine and knock on the door.

I'm going trick or treating with my mum tonight. It's the only time I can take her out as she's been dead for ten years.

W: Where did Lucy go during the bombing? A: Everywhere.

Q: What is the difference between a Jew and a boy scout? A: the boy Scott gets to go home after camp.

At the doctors office: Doc: "Unfortunately sir, you have only 1 week to live…" Man: "Doctor what on earth are you saying?”, clearly chocked, “Tell me what can I do to live at least a little linger, please…" Doc: "Do you eat fried food?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ill do it" Doc: "Do you eat fat food?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ok doc" Doc: "Do you stay up late?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ok" Doc: "Do you have sex often?" Man: "Yes! Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… I’ll do that too" Doc: "Do you smoke?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… I will" Doc: "Do you drink?" Man: "Yes..." Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "OK doctor, but you didn’t tell me, if I do all the things you told me, how longer will I live?" Doc: "You will still live for a week… but it will seem like a century…"

What happened when the cannibal got a religion? He only ate Catholics on Fridays!

My grandfather can no longer do the things he loved to do as a teenager. Flying planes, bombing Germans...

Black humour is like a pair of legs. Not everyone has it.

Q: What was Hitler's favorite drink? A: Concentrated jews.

What does a skeleton say when he wants to eat? Bone appetit!