Why is there always hot water at childbirth? In case of a stillbirth, soup.
And these kids do not deserve a present from me, because they have not been eating well this year, - said Santa Claus, flying over the starving kids in Sudan.
What has more brains than a dead baby? The wall behind it.
A guy has a bad habit: He loves to hit pedestrians while he drives. So one day he's driving andsees an old lady with a cane and he decides to control his urge to swerve and hit her but he can't. Later, he sees a kid skating and can't resist hitting the kid. Finally, he decides he needs help from above so he goes to a church and asks the pastor for help. So after church, the pastor invites him to his house for lunch. They get in the car and start to drive down the street, and just as he starts to tell the pastor about his problem, he sees an old blind man walking down the street. He swerves toward him but misses, and the pastor says, "Don't worry. I got him with the door!"
Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.
Q: What did the baby say as I threw it in the blender? A: I didn't catch it, I was too busy masturbating.
Q: What's faster than the speed of light? A: A jew passing Germany.
Q: Did you hear the joke about an Earthquake and Japanese nuclear reactor? A: Not cool.
Q: How many Ethiopians can you fit into a telephone booth? A: All of them.
Don't break anybody's heart - they have only one. Break their bones - they have 206.