Joke #5133

Why is there always hot water at childbirth? In case of a stillbirth, soup.

Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first. - Steve Irwin (1962 - 2006)

How can you tell if you have acne? If the blind can read your face.

What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning? Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.

Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.

Two Arabs are sitting in the Gaza Strip chatting over a pint of goats milk. One pulls his wallet out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing. "This is my oldest son. He's a martyr. "Here's my second son. He's a martyr too!" After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Arab wistfully says , They blow up so fast, don't they?"

Q: Why does Michael Jackson like twenty five-year-olds? A: Because there are twenty of them!

What goes: "Click-is that it? Click-is that it? Click-is that it?" A blind person with a rubix cube.

What's got four wheels, smokes and squeals? A bus load of babies on fire.

There was an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman working on the top of a cliff. The Englishman said, "If I have cheese in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off this cliff." The Scotsman said, "If I have jam in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff." The Irishman said, "If I have ham tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff." The next day, the Englishman had cheese, the Irishman had ham, and the Scotsman had jam. So they all jumped. At the funerals, the wives of the Scotsman and Englishman said, "Why didn't they just tell us they didn't like their sandwiches?" The Irish lady said, "I don't know why my husband jumped off the cliff. He made his own sandwiches."

Me and my wife decided that we don't want to have children anymore. So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.