Why is there always hot water at childbirth? In case of a stillbirth, soup.
Q: What is the difference between a Jew and a boy scout? A: the boy Scott gets to go home after camp.
Q: Did you hear the joke about an Earthquake and Japanese nuclear reactor? A: Not cool.
Two strangers meet on a golf course and decide to play together. One man says, "I'm a salesman. What about you?" "I'm a hit man for the mob," replies the second man. He pulls out a high powered rifle loaded with scopes and sights. He then asks the man where he lives. Nervously, the first man replies, "In a subdivision just west of here. Gray roof, yellow siding." "You got a silver compact and a red pickup?" "The compact is my wife's car, but that's my buddy Jeff's truck." The hit man looks through the scope again. "Well, they're going at it like teenagers in your bedroom." "I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot him in the balls." The hit man says, "I get paid $5,000 per shot." "I don't care! Just do it!" The hit man takes careful aim and says, "This is your lucky day. You're going to get a two for one!"
Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy? He did okay until his business fell off.
Q: Why did hitter kill himself? A: Because he could not pay the gas bill.
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it's the only love they get.
How did the cannibal turn over a new leaf? He became a vegetarian.
What happened when a cannibal went on a self-catering holiday? He ate himself.
A guy was walking to a bar and on his way he found a girl tied up to the railroad tracks. He untied her and they had sex. Guy gets to the bar, friends ask why he's so late, tells them about the girl he found and all the different positions they fucked in. Friends give him props and ask if he got head, guy replies "I couldn't find it."