Black humour is like a pair of legs. Not everyone has it.
Doctor to Patient: "Don’t worry about your heart. It will function as long as you live."
What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law? There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.
Q: Why did cow cross road? A: To find to the udder side.
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it's the only love they get.
"Excuse me, how do I get to the hospital quickly?" "Just stand in the middle of the road for a while."
The best thing after an intensive argument is the peace-sex. But I hate when I argue with my father-in-law.
Q: Why did hitter kill himself? A: Because he could not pay the gas bill.
My wife and I had been debating whether it was time to start a family when we saw a couple of cute kids, splashing and giggling in a paddling pool. I looked at her and said, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" She smiled and said, "Yes, Gary..." "That settles it, then," I replied. "We can't raise children if we're both paedos."
John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital. One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool. David jumped in and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act. He immediately order David to be discharged from the mental hospital as he is OK. Doctor: "We have good news and bad news for you, David. The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, since you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a normal person. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died." David: "Doctor, he didn’t hang himself. I hung him there to dry."
My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suck my dick. No wonder her dad did not want her to move out.