What does a skeleton say when he wants to eat?
Bone appetit!
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Q: What do you call the ashes of a white person in a jar?
A: A jar of mayonnaise.
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I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today.
I had to drop the bomb two or three times before she finally got it.
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My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suck my dick.
No wonder her dad did not want her to move out.
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Q: How do you make a dog go ‘miaow’?
A: Freeze it in liquid nitrogen, and run it through a bandsaw…
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There was a 3 car accident in Mexico yesterday, 84 people were found dead.
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Q: What's the last thing you usually hear before a redneck dies?
A: Hey y'all... Watch this!
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Q: What's the difference between Jesus Christ and a painting of Jesus Christ?
A: It only takes one nail to hang a painting.
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Went to a Muslim birthday party the other day.
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What's the difference between a dead baby and a table?
You can't fuck a table.
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Cannibals capture three men.
The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes.
Then they are each given a final request.
The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible.
His request is granted, and they poison him. The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family.
This request is granted, and after he writes his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes.
Now it is the third man's turn.
He asks for a fork.
The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request, so they give him a fork.
As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, "To hell with your canoes!"
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