What does a skeleton say when he wants to eat? Bone appetit!
Q: How long does it take for a workplace bully to come up with a patentable new invention? A: It depends: If the designer's desk drawer is locked, about 5 minutes, otherwise, under a minute.
What's pink and spits? A baby in a frying pan.
Q: What's the best part about sex with 28-year-olds? A: There are twenty of them.
A nun and a priest decide to take a day off, so they go golfing. The nun gets a hole-in-one, but the priest hits it into a sand trap. He's so angry, he shouts "God dammit, I missed!". The nun reminds him not to take the Lord's name in vain, and the priest apologizes and tries again. He hits it into the rough, and in his anger, shouts "God dammit, I MISSED!". The nun once again tells him not to take the Lord's name in vain, and he apologizes again. On his third shot, he hits it into the water and yells "GOD DAMMIT I MISSED!" and before the nun can say anything, a bolt of lightning strikes the nun, killing her instantly. Out of nowhere, a loud voice booms "God dammit, I missed".
How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ? Nail its other hand to the floor.
Why is Hitler never invited to BBQ's? He always burns the franks.
What's funnier than cancer? Most things, really.
Q: What is brown, small, and smells of caramel? A: A diabetic who's been struck by lightning.
Doctor: "You have cataract in your eyes. But you need not worry It is hereditary." Patient: "Death is also hereditary. Does it mean we should not worry about it?"
What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds? A baby with a punctured lung.