Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.
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This could be considered the ideal world for many men:
His son on the cover of a box of Wheaties.
His mistress in the centerfold of Playboy.
A picture of his wife on the milk carton.
There once was a fellow from Kent
Who had such a long instrument.
To stay out of trouble
He folded it double.
And instead of coming he went.
10 things men don't say
1)Let's watch Lifetime.
2)Sex is overrated.
3)I don't want to go too far on the first date.
4)Yes, your sister does have bigger breasts than you.
5)Don't we owe your mother a visit?
6)I'm relieved I don't have a large penis weighing me down.
7)Dessert goes right to my hips.
8)I hate when I miss Oprah.
9)Does this suit make me look fat?
10)I'll never get tired of listening to Dido.
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How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
Q: Why is it jewish men won't go down on a woman?
A: Too close to the gas chamber.
Two friends meet each other on the street.”Hello! Where are you coming from?” asked Bill.”
Oh, don’t ask me! I’m coming from the cemetery.
I just buried my mother-in-law” replied Sid.
”I’m so sorry!” said Bill, “But why is your face scratched all over?”.
”It wasn’t so easy!” said Sid, “She put on a hell of a fight!”
Hi, I see that you're new to this gym, and I wanna be the first male to bother you.
Man walks over to a lady in a bar and asks "whats your name ?"
"Carmen" she replies,... "I like cars and men ! Whats yours ?"
The man looks her up and down and sayes "Beerpussy ..."
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
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What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.
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