Joke #1330

Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? A. Both of them.
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What is a man's idea of foreplay? A half hour of begging.
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Q:What’s the difference between Ross Perot and Barack Obama? A:Ross Perot is crackpot with big ears and Barack Obama is a pothead with big ears.
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Men are like.....Vacations. They never seem to be long enough.
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John it’s alright muttering a few words in the church and finding yourself married, but if you mutter a few words in your sleep you might find yourself divorced.
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Alex an Aussie builder was going through a house he had just built for the woman who owned it. She was telling him what colour to paint each room. They went into the first room and she said "I want this room to be painted a light blue." The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"  When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be bright red. The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"  When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be tan. The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"  When he came back, the lady was pretty curious, so she asked him "I keep telling you colours, but you go out the front and yell 'green side up' - what is that for?" The builder said, "Oh don't worry about that, I've just got a couple of Kiwi's laying the turf out front."
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What is the difference between a man and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
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MEN Vs WOMEN 1. MEN discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT. WOMEN discovered paint and invented makeup. 2. Men discovered word and invented conversation. Women discovered conversation and invented gossip. 3. Men discovered gambling and invented cards. Women discovered cards and invented Witchery. 4. Men discovered trading and invented money. Women discovered money and invented shopping. There after Men have discovered and invented lots of things while Women STUCK TO SHOPPING.
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Chinese and American are in a plane. Suddenly, Chinese puts his shoes off and American is angry. After some time, he goes to buy a coke, but Chinese says that he'll do it. While he's gone, American spits into his shoes. Chinese gets back and American drinks his coke. That repeats a couple of times,and after the flight American admits, "I spitted in your shoes, sorry." Chinese answers, "That's how we do it. We spit in each others shoes, we piss into each others cokes..."
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They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach. But personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
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How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes.
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