Joke #1330

Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? A. Both of them.

A man in the Florida supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce. The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he'll ask his manager about it. Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standingright behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half." The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way. Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?" "Canada, sir," the boy replied. "Well, why did you leave Canada?" the manager asked. The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there." "Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada." "No sh*t?" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?"

A man visits his doctor with celery stalks stuck in each ear and a carrot stick up each nostril. He mumbles, "Doc, I'm just not feeling well." The doctor replies, "Maybe you're not eating right."

Why is a man different from a PC? You only have to tell the PC once.

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer? A: None, it better be open when she brings it to you.

What's the difference between a man and a messy room? You can straighten up a messy room.

Q: Why shouldn't Men using iron supplements take Viagra? A: It may cause them to spin around and point north.

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.

How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes.

Men are like.....Coffee The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.

I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks "Are you reading that?" I didn’t know what to say. So I said yes. I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again.