Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.
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What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat?
Divorce him.
There was an ad in the newspaper:
An agriculturist looks for a woman with a tractor.
The photo of the tractor is required.
Q: Why all men say "Ladies first"?
A: They want to watch their asses.
(A) You are not Tom Cruise,
(B) The guns may stop working at the last moment,
(C) The Enemy is 1000 times intelligent than you,
(D) Your family might not like the amount of compensation on your behalf
(E) Just remember, "the safest way to win over your enemies is by making them your friends!"
Why do men name their penises?
Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.
Two hunters shot a deer, and were dragging him to the car by the hind leg, which was difficult because the other legs kept snagging in the brush.
"Chet, I've got an idea, I think we are doing this wrong. Let's try dragging him by the horns, like we were advised by the ammo-store salesman."
"OK," says Ivan.
After a while, Ivan says, "I think this is a lot better because his legs fold up and don't get caught in the brush, but we seem to be getting farther from the car."
Stupid?
He wanted to be a farmer.
So he studied pharmacy.
Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash.
Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill.
"Here’s that $20 I owe you," he says.
Woman to her husband while at it: "Please say dirty things to me!"
Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."