Three blonde men are on one side of a wide river and don't know how to get across.
The first man prays to God to make him smart enough to figure out how to cross the river, so God turns him into a brown-haired man and he swims across.
The second man prays to God to make him even smarter, so God turns him into a dark-haired man and he builds a boat and rows across.
Then the third man prays to God to make him the smartest of all, so God turns him into a woman and she walks across the bridge.
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If you don't know who your father is, odds are it's Chuck Norris.
One day while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement.
He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing. This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what’s so funny.
The blonde giggled and replied, “When you weren’t looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!
A blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.
She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but didn't want to pay the high prices.
After unsuccessfully haggling with of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde said, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price."
Later in the day, the shopkeeper spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.
She took aim at an alligator, killed it and hauled it onto the swamp bank.
Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.
The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blonde flipped the alligator on its back and shouted in frustration, "Damn, this one isn't wearing any shoes either."
Why do the blondes spill water over the computer?
They want to navigate over the internet.
What do you call a group of blondes on roller skates?
A mobile sperm bank!
In an aeroplane flying to Melbourne a blonde girl leaves her seat and goes to the business class.
The stewardess, who’ s watching her, gently asks her to see her ticket and tells her that she has to go back to her seat.
But the blonde girl replies “I am young, beautiful, I travel to Melbourne and I’m staying here”.
The stewardess goes to the cockpit and explains the copilot what happened.
So he comes out of the cockpit and tries to explain to the blonde girl that she had to go back to her seat.
And again the blonde girl says “I am young, beautiful, I travel to Melbourne and I’m staying here”.
The copilot, confused, returns to the cockpit and explains the situation to the aircraft commander.
“Don’t worry”, he says, “My wife is a blonde… I can hanlde it!”.
So the commander, goes out, spots the blonde and whispers something in her ear.
Suddenley, she stands up and says “Oh sorry mister…I didn’ t know…!” and runs back to her seat.
“What the hell did you tell her?” asks the copilot who was watching the scene.
“I told her that people in the business class are not flying to Belbourne”
A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons.
She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.
Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.
The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup.
She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousn ess or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.
Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting.
One looked at the other and said, “I’ve got to take a crap.”
The other said, “Well go behind one of those big trees, and crap.”
The first one said, “But I don’t have any paper to wipe my ass.”
The other blonde replied, “You have a dollar, don’t you?”
The first one said, “Yeah, I’ve got a dollar. That’s a great idea– I’ll use that!”
He left and came back with crap all over his hands and clothes.
His friend looked at him and asked, “What in the hell happened to you?”
The first one replied, “Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?”
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint.
He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time.
He goes over and asks her if she is OK.
She replies yes.
He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat.
She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said...
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.
A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.
When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, "Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.
The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."
The farmer was amazed - she was right!
So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.
Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.
"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"