Joke #5199

Mr. Smith's wife has been in a coma for four months. The nurses have come to realise that she moves every time they wash her crotch area. The doctors think hard about this. They bring in Mr. Smith and say that they have a good idea. Perhaps if he practices oral sex with her she will wake out of the coma. Mr. Smith would do anything so he asks for some privacy. He soon rushes out saying: "I think she's choking!"

A girl was pampering a horse with her hand while watching display of the horses, suddenly she touched the genital of the horse. The excited horse screeched, jumped and ran away very fast. The horse’s guard faced the girl and said, “Ma’am please do the same to me, so I can run, chase and retrieve my boss’s horse.”

Rudolph the well hung reindeer, Had a great enormous cock, All he could ever do with it, was beat it off inside a sock, All of the female reindeer, Had pussies that were just too small, Poor old well hung Rudolph, Could not get any sex at all, Then one horny Christmas eve, Santa came to say, "Rudolph with your cock so strong... Fuck my arsehole all night long!" Then all the reindeer loved him, A few of them were heard to say, "Rudolph the well hung reindeer... You're so lucky Santa's gay"

Q: How are rape and an airplane similar? A: The ride gets more annoying when the kid starts screaming.

An ugly bloke walks into a pub with a huge grin on his face. "What are you so happy about ?" asks the landlord. "Well, I live by the railway and on my way home last night I noticed a woman tied to the tracks. I cut her free and we shagged all night !" "Did you get a blow job ?" asks the landlord. "No ..." he says, "I never found the head."

A woman came to his doctor with a left knee that was shot through. The doctor asked her: "What does it mean? Why did you shoot accurately your left knee?" The woman tells him only: "Sorry, but, you doctor, have told me that the heart is located two thumbs under my left breast."

I like my women how I like my laptop. Sat on my lap, turned on & completely virus free.

Yo mama so fat you cant tell if she got a penis or a vagina.

A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's steering wheel stuck to the front of his pants. The bartender asks, "Hey, doesn't that hurt?" The pirate growls, "Aye, it's drivin' me nuts."

I'd have a comeback for that, but all my come's backed up in your throat.

There is this guy and he wants to marry a girl but he is bad at choosing girls so he has a contest. First one to get as many ping pong balls as they can is my wife. The first girl brings back a whole bucket of them. the guy goes good, good. The 2 girl brings back a truck load of ping pong balls. He says, "Wow that will be hard to beat." Then the 3 girl comes back all bloody and bruised and is holding 2 big bloody things. The guy says, "What are those, I said ping pong balls." "Oh,"Says the 3 girl, "I thought you said King Kong's balls."