Q: You know that awesome feeling, when you finally understand math?
A: Me neither.
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Q:Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
A:Because you can't drink and derive...
Mathematics is made of 50 percent formulas, 50 percent proofs, and 50 percent imagination.
Little Johnny was heard by his mother reciting his homework: "Two plus two, the son of a bitch is four; four plus four, the son of a bitch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a bitch!"
Johnny shouted his mother "Watch your language! You're not allowed to use the swearwords."
But, Mom, replied the boy, "That's what the teacher taught us, and she said to recite it out loud till we learned it."
Next day Johnny's mother went right into the classroom to complain.
"Oh, heavens" said the teacher. "That's not what I taught them. They're supposed to say, 'Two plus two, the sum of which is four."
Vote:
First Caribou: What kind of math do owls like?
Second Caribou: Owlgebra.
I ordered a foot-long sandwich from a take-out restaurant and asked the clerk to cut it into fourths.
"I'm sorry, I can't," she said. "I already cut it in half."
Teacher: "Are you good at math?"
Pupil: "Yes and no."
Teacher: "What do you mean?"
Pupil: "Yes, I'm no good at math!"
DEPT OF STATISTICS:
All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.
DEPT OF PSYCHOLOGY:
Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in.
The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.
DEPT OF HISTORY:
All students get the same grade they got last year.
DEPT OF RELIGION:
Grade is determined by God.
DEPT OF PHILOSOPHY:
What is a grade?
LAW SCHOOL:
Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.
DEPT OF MATHEMATICS:
Grades are variable.
DEPT OF LOGIC:
If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.
DEPT OF COMPUTER SCIENCE:
Random number generator determines grade.
MUSIC DEPARTMENT:
Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and - would be sharp and flat respectively).
DEPT OF PHYSICAL EDUCATION:
Everybody gets an A.
Q: What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
A: He didn't count with this...
Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number eleven?
A: She didn't know what one came first.