What has a slice of burnt toast and a pregnant girlfriend got in common?
In both cases you wish you took it out a few seconds earlier.
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Q: What did the seal say when found nuts in the sea?
A: "Look I found deep nuts."
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A woman, after giving birth to six babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy style!"
Q: Why was the dirty old man fired from the poultry shop?
A: He couldn't keep his hands off the breasts and thighs.
A guy walks into a pharmacy and buys a pack of condoms.
The cashier asks him if he wants a bag.
He responds, "No, she's not that ugly."
Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.
My girlfriend came out of the shower and said, "I shaved my pussy you know what that means?"
I said, "Yeah the fucking drain is clogged again."
A man is riding aimlessly through the desert on a donkey.
He is not hungry or thirsty, because he has a bottomless bowl of fruit.
He wanders for about a week and eventually gets pretty horny.
He gets to the point where he can't stand it anymore.
So he decides to try and have s*x with the donkey.
He drops his pants and positions himself under the donkey.
But, to his dismay, the donkey walks away.
Only slightly discouraged, the man decides to try again.
He walks to where the donkey is standing, positions himself under the donkey, and right before he goes for it, the donkey walks away again.
Now the man is getting frustrated.
As he prepares for his third and final try, he sees a vision.
A beautiful, naked woman appears out of nowhere.
She approaches the stunned man, who until recently, believed that he was the only person for hundreds of miles.
She smiles at him and says, "I would do anything for that bowl of fruit you have."
"Anything?" he says, getting fairly excited.
"Yes, anything." she replies.
So he says, "Will you hold the donkey?"
Why did God give women belly buttons?
For somewhere to stash your gum on the way down.
Hey babe, I'd like to take it your rack! High five!