Joke #5299

A cop pulls over a blonde for speeding. The cop gets out of his car and asks the blonde for her license. "You cops should get it together. One day you take away my license, and the next day you ask me to show it."

Why should you never let a blonde take a tea or coffee break? "It's too hard to re-train them."

A married couple go to a restaurant. A blonde waitress takes their order and returns several minutes later, carrying a plate with only a plain hamburger bun on it. The man asks, "Where's the burger?" The waitress lifts her arm and pulls out a burger from her armpit. "I was keeping it warm," she replies. The wife says, "Please cancel my hot dog order."

A blonde's car breaks down. A cop pulls up and inquires about the group of naked men standing next to her car. The blonde says, "They're my emergency flashers."

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall. She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For best results, put on two coats".

A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde," her mother replied. The next day, the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, pumpkin, it's because you're blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?" "No, it's because you're 25."

Q: How can you tell a blonde's been in your fridge? A: There is lipstick on the cucumber.

Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, “I’ve got to take a crap.” The other said, “Well go behind one of those big trees, and crap.” The first one said, “But I don’t have any paper to wipe my ass.” The other blonde replied, “You have a dollar, don’t you?” The first one said, “Yeah, I’ve got a dollar. That’s a great idea– I’ll use that!” He left and came back with crap all over his hands and clothes. His friend looked at him and asked, “What in the hell happened to you?” The first one replied, “Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?”

A blonde was headed to Detroit. She got on the plane and sat down in first class. A few minutes later, a flight attendent came up to her and told her that her ticket was for coach and she had to move from the seat. She refused. The flight attendent was persistant, but the blonde replied, "No, I want to sit here, I've always wanted to see what it is like in first class." The flight attendent was getting frustrated. Finally, after quite some time, she convinced her to move. Another passenger who overheard the conversation asked the attendent, "How did you get her to move?" The flight attendent replied, "I told her that first class doesn't stop in Detroit."

Q. Did you hear about the funny blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car? A. She burned her lips on the tailpipe.

A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!" The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor. You rotten bastard, "says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!