Joke #5302

A woman come to a doctor, with bumps and bruising all over her body. The woman complains that it was her husband, who beat her. Doctor tells in surprise: "I thought your husband was out of town." "So did I..."
Vote: has 52.41 % from 33 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

I got home and found a man in bed with my wife. I said, ‘Who said you could sleep with my wife?’ He said, ‘Everybody.’
Vote: has 31.97 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage
The best way to get your husband to do something is to suggest he’s too old to do it.
Vote: has 85.51 % from 343 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage
I was walking down the street with my wife earlier when she accused me of being ashamed to be seen with her. "That's total bollocks" I replied. By text, from across the road.
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean
Wife to husband: ‘I need a new dress.’ Husband: ‘What’s wrong with the dress you’ve got?’ Wife: ‘It’s too long and the veil keeps getting in my eyes.’
Vote: has 31.97 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage
A doctor told his patient that his test results indicated that she had a rare disease and had only six months to live. "That's such a short amount of time, doctor. Isn't there anything I can do?" pleaded the patient. "Marry a lawyer," the doctor advised. "It will be the longest six months of your life."
Vote: has 65.94 % from 79 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, health, lawyer, marriage, time
How do you know when you honeymoon is over? When he no longer smiles as he scrapes the burnt toast.
Vote: has 68.29 % from 184 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: holiday, marriage
Man to friend: ‘My wife’s a peach.’ Friend: ‘Because she’s so soft and juicy?’ Man: ‘No, because she has a heart of stone.’
Vote: has 44.13 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage
A housewife buys a parrot to keep her company during the day. The clerk warns that the parrot was donated by a brothel, where he may have picked up some colorful language. The housewife doesn't mind and brings the parrot home. When she uncovers the cage, the parrot says, "Brawkk! New Madam. Hello Madam." When her three daughters come home from school, the parrot says, "Brawkk! New Girls. Hello Girls." Finally, her husband, Phil, comes home from work, just in time for dinner. When he walks past the parrot, the parrot says, "Brawkk! Hi Phil!"
Vote: has 47.24 % from 53 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage, parrot
After an intense high speed chase, an officer finally gets the lawbreaker to pull over. "You know," says the cop, "I was originally pulling you over to tell you your taillight is out. Why the hell did you take off like that?" "Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back."
Vote: has 85.77 % from 278 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage
If you want to drive your wife crazy don’t talk in your sleep, just smile.
Vote: has 64.17 % from 78 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage