Usually when kids go to sleep they sleep with a teddy bear... Chuck Norris sleeps with an actual bear
When Chuck Norris puts toast in the toaster it comes out bread.
Chuck Norris doesn't submit his own facts because Chuck Norris doesn't submit, period.
Chuck Norris can surf on lava.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
I got a tattoo of Chuck Norris on my own leg... now it won't stop roundhouse kicking me in the face.
Ozzy Osbourne once snorted a line of ants. Chuck Norris once snorted a line of bricks.
Scientists did not in fact slipt the atom, Chuck Norris just roundhouse kicked it.
When Chuck Norris eats teddy grahams, he craps out grizzly bears.
Chuck Norris "Caught 'Em All " twice.
A man once insulted Chuck Norris by saying he was smarter than him. That man was Stephen Hawking.