Chuck Norris doesn't wear seatbelts.
Seatbelts wear Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour.
He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
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There was no world recession, just Chuck Norris desiring a discount.
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Chuck Norris doesn't run out of patience, patience runs out of him from fear of a roundhouse kick to the face.
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Ozzy Osbourne once accidentally bit the head off a live bat - Chuck Norris once deliberately bit the head off a live pterodactyl.
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T. S. Eliot measured out his life with coffee spoons.
Chuck Norris uses a backhoe.
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Chuck Norris like life... lucky her.
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Chuck Norris can travel through time by running 88 miles per hour.
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Chuck Norris does not need a remote for his tv for all he needs to do is just stare until it turns on.
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The Universe is not expanding.
It's running away from Chuck Norris.
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Originally Chuck Norris was in the cast of "The Expendables" but the movie was only 3 seconds long because there was nothing left to kill.
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