Joke #10468

What animal do you look like when you get into the bath? A little bear.

I went to the movie theater the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dachshund. It was a sad, funny kind of film. In the sad part, the dachshund cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dachshund laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man. "That's the most amazing thing I've seen," I said. "That dachshund really seemed to enjoy the film." The man turned to me and said, "Yeah, it is. He hated the book."

Rabbit: "Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me?" Doctor: "Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another."

What did the baby dolphin do when he didn't get his way? He whale-d.

Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors? Because, if it had 4 doors it would be chicken sedan.

Q: What do you call a cow that's had an abortion? A: De-calf-i-nated.

What US state has the most cows? Moosouri.

All three sit down at the bar. The bartender looks at the man and says, "What'll ya have?" The man says, "Gimme a beer." The ostrich says, "I'll have one too." The cat says, "I want two beers, but I'm only gonna pay half price." The bartender serves up four beers, and tells the man, "that'll be $12.67." The man reaches in his pocket and without even looking sets exact change down on the bar. After they finish their beers, the bartender asks, "anything else?" The man says, "Gimme a shot of bourbon." The ostrich says, "I'll have one too." The cat says, "I want a double bourbon, but I'm only gonna pay half price." The bartender serves them and says, "That's $14.03." The man reaches into his pocket and without even looking again sets exact change on the bar. After that round, the bartender says, "What else will ya have?" The man says, "I need a Jack and Coke." The ostrich says, "Me too!" The cat says, "I want two Jack and Cokes, and I'm only paying..." "Half price, I know," says the bartender. He sets them up and says, "$16.38, please." The man reaches in his pocket a third time, and again sets exact change on the bar without counting it out. The bartender asks the man, "How is it that every time you pay for your drink order, you can set exact change on the bar without looking?" The man says, "Well, some years ago I was walking on the beach in Egypt, and I found a magic lamp in the sand. I rubbed it, and a genie appeared and granted me three wishes for setting him free. So, with the first wish, I wished that no matter what I ever wanted to buy, I would always have exact change for it in my pocket." The bartender says, "That's brilliant! Most people would wish for a million or five million or whatever. This way, you'll never run out of money, you don't have to worry about carrying it, and you'll never be robbed! Absolutely brilliant." The man says, "I know, and thank you!" The bartender says, "So what did you ask for with your other two wishes?" The man said "A chick with long legs and a tight pussy."

Q: What is a zebra? A: A horse behind bars.

How did the rabbit become a wrestling champion? It had a lot of hare pins.

Did you hear about the man who received a tip on a horse called Cigarette? He didn't have enough money tabaccer!