Joke #10468

What animal do you look like when you get into the bath? A little bear.
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has 60.16 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal

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A farmhand is driving around the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I’ve got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he’s stuck in the bull-bars of my truck. He’s still wriggling. What should I do?" "In the back of your truck there’s a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and throw it in a bush." The farm worker says okay and signs off. About 10 minutes later he radios back. "Boss I did what you said, I shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush." "So what’s the problem now?" his Boss snapped. "The blue light on his motorcycle is still flashing!"
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has 80.25 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop
Q: Why can't black kids play in the the sandbox? A: Because the cats keep covering them up.
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has 62.54 % from 386 votes. More jokes about: animal, black people
Why was the horseman fired from his job of saddle testing? He was always standing up on the job!
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has 60.16 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal, work
What kind of tiles can't you stick on walls? Reptiles.
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal
How many animals can you get into a pair of tights? 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ass, 1 p*ssy, thousands of hares and a dead fish no one can ever find.
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has 60.85 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, fish
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales? He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
A man walked into his backyard one morning and found there was a gorilla in a tree. He called a gorilla-removal service, and soon a serviceman arrived with a stick, a Chihuahua, a pair of handcuffs and a shotgun. "Now listen carefully," he told the homeowner, "I'm going to climb the tree and poke the gorilla with this stick until he falls to the ground. The trained Chihuahua will then go right for his, uh, sensitive area, and when the gorilla instinctivly crosses his hands in front to protect himself, you slap the handcuffs on" "Ok, got it." the homeowner replied. "But whats that shotgun for?" "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla," the man said, "shoot the Chihuahua."
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has 78.52 % from 229 votes. More jokes about: animal
Drunk man stumbles upstairs late at night and bursts through the bedroom door with a duck under his arm. He announces to his now awake annoyed wife that "This is the pig I've been screwing." The wife unimpressed said "You drunk arsehole... That's a duck". The bloke looks down at the duck and then looks back up at his wife and says... "I was talking to the duck!"
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has 81.55 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: animal, drunk, mean, vulgar, wife
Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup." Waiter: "So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?"
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle's wife? He was an aunteater.
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, wife