What do you call rubber bumpers on yachts?
Shark absorbers.
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Q: Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
A: Becuase the "P" is silent.
Yo' Mama is so fat, after sex, she smokes a turkey.
Q: What animal could Noah not trust?
A: Cheetah.
A man goes to a bar with his dog.
He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink.
The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!"
The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog."
"Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me."
The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.
Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua.
The first guys sees him, stops him and says
"You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog."
The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink.
The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"
The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bartender says, "No, I don't think so.
They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs."
The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"
Two cows were talking in the field.
One cow says, "Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that's going around?"
The other cow answers, "Yeah, makes you glad you're a penguin, doesn"t it?"
How can you tell that elephants have been doing it in your garage?
All your Hefty Bags are missing.
What is the difference between a crazy bunny and a counterfeit banknote?
One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny.
What is the slowest racehorse in the world?
A clotheshorse.
Q: What happens when you cross a pig with a Democrat?
A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.