Q: How many mathematicians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: On average or do you want the whole distribution?
Little Johnny was heard by his mother reciting his homework: "Two plus two, the son of a bitch is four; four plus four, the son of a bitch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a bitch!" Johnny shouted his mother "Watch your language! You're not allowed to use the swearwords." But, Mom, replied the boy, "That's what the teacher taught us, and she said to recite it out loud till we learned it." Next day Johnny's mother went right into the classroom to complain. "Oh, heavens" said the teacher. "That's not what I taught them. They're supposed to say, 'Two plus two, the sum of which is four."
Q:Why do they never serve beer at a math party? A:Because you can't drink and derive...
Chuck Norris can convert kilograms into centimeters.
Sex is like math: Add the bed Subtract the clothes Divide the legs and pray you dont multiply
The teacher asks little Johnny if he knows his numbers. "Yes," he says. "My daddy taught me." "Can you tell me what comes after three?" "Four," answers little Johnny. "What comes after six?" "Seven," answers little Johnny. "Very good," says the teacher. "Your father did a very fine job. What comes after ten?" "A jack," answers little Johnny.
I'll admit that the Chinese kids in math class are pretty smart. But doing it with their eyes closed... that's a bit cocky.
Yo mammas so fat they had to make a new number.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on. After the seventh order, the bartender pours two beers and says, "You fellas ought to know your limits."
Yo mama is so fat that she took geometry at the school because she heard there will be some pi.