Joke #14301

Why is 69 afraid of 70? Because they once had a fight and 71. 70 is a rumored cannibal but no can prove who 78 78 my ass

The teacher asked little Johnny, “What’s two and two?”. He counted 1-2-3-4 on his fingers and said, “Four, teacher?”. She said, ” Yes, that’s right, but you counted on your fingers. Put your hands behind behind your back and tell me what’s three and three”. He put his hands behind his back, fumbled around, and answered, “Six, teacher?”. She said, “Yes, that’s right, but you’re still counting on your fingers. Put your hands in your pockets and tell me what’s five and five”. He put his hands in his pockets, fumbled around, and replied, “Eleven, teacher?”.

Q. What mode do you use in maths? A. Multi-plyers.

There was a statistician that drowned crossing a river... It was 3 feet deep on average.

Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you... Forty seven times.

Why are rabbits like calculators? They both multiply a lot.

What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't? Depreciation.

The teacher asks a student "If you have $5 and billy takes $3, how much do you have left?" The student replies "Not enough for fucking lunch and billy ain't gonna have no got damn teeth left stealing my 3 dollars."

A team of engineers were required to measure the height of a flag pole. They only had a measuring tape, and were getting quite frustrated trying to keep the tape along the pole. It kept falling down, etc. A mathematician comes along, finds out their problem, and proceeds to remove the pole from the ground and measure it easily. When he leaves, one engineer says to the other: "Just like a mathematician! We need to know the height, and he gives us the length!"

If you had a million dollars and gave away one quarter, and another quarter, and then another quarter, how much would you have left? A million dollars minus 75 cents.

An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician are on a train in Scotland. The astronomer looks out of the window, sees a black sheep standing in a field, and remarks, "How odd. Scottish sheep are black." "No, no, no!" says the physicist. "Only some Scottish sheep are black." The mathematician rolls his eyes at his companions' muddled thinking and says, "In Scotland, there is at least one field, containing at least one sheep, at least one side of which appears black from here."