Joke #5226

Jimmy was staring at a dog in the park whilst the dog was licking himself in inappropriate parts and said to his dad, "I wish I could do that." Jimmy's dad looked down at Jimmy and said, "Maybe if you ask the dog nicely, he might let you!"
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has 71.36 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: dirty

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Drinking all day at a bar a man stumbles to the restroom to throw up. He doesn't make it in time and pukes all over the front of his shirt. As the drunk returned to the bar the bartender asks: "what the hell happened?" The drunk is very upset explaining to the bartender: "my wife gonna be pissed off! She just got me this shirt as an anniversary gift. Soon as she sees puke all over it, she will be shitty!" The bartender, being helpful says: "I got an idea. Why don't you put a $10 bill in the front shirt pocket and when she notices the puke you can say you drove a drunk fella home from the bar and during the drive, he got sick and puked all over the front of your new shirt?" Naturally, the guy felt bad so he gave you the $10 so you could have it cleaned. The drunk looked at the bartender a moment, thinking it over. "That's a great idea, the drunk slurs. Thank you." And the drunk left. When the drunk walked in the front door of his home there stood his wife to greet him. She hugged him and said: "oh my lord Frank, what happened to your new shirt?" He explained: "I drove a drunk fella home from the bar and he puked all over the front of my shirt, patting the pocket, and gave me $10 to get it cleaned." The wife reaches in and pulls the cash from the pocket. "But Frank," the wife says, "there is $20 here." Frank replies, "oh, I forgot to mention, he shit in my pants too."
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has 68.01 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: bar, dirty, disgusting, drunk, money
A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No", he replies,"I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it.." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What"s so special about it?" The cowboy explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically." The lady says, "What"s it telling you now?" Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." The woman giggles and replies "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!" The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says, "Damn thing's an hour fast."
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has 85.18 % from 1381 votes. More jokes about: dirty
How do you make a snooker table laugh. Put your hands in its pocket and tickle its balls.
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has 58.01 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: dirty, game
A big city doctor visits an Indian tribe full of men, he asks "How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?" "Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first." The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey. Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc?" "We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."
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has 77.76 % from 236 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, doctor, sex
Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung? A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!
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has 45.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: dirty, lawyer
Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."
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has 60.01 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Two friends talk: "Hi, what are you doing?" "Not much, writing a Valentine's Day greeting card." "Why are you writing it with your left hand? Are you left-handed?" "No, I just can't let my right hand to see it. It's a surprise for it."
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has 60.88 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: dirty, friendship, Valentines day
Girl: "Do you believe in puppy love?" Boy: "I tried it once, but their assholes are too small."
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has 52.50 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dirty, dog, love, sex
After 20 years of marriage, a wife finds out that her husband had been f*cking her for the past 20 years with a dildo! she is so angry she asks her husband to "Explain the dildo". The husband replies "explain the kids?!"
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has 72.47 % from 169 votes. More jokes about: dirty, husband, kids, marriage, time
In funeral of my friend's wife, I went to condole him so I said: "Don't think she was your wife, she was for all".
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has 59.46 % from 134 votes. More jokes about: dirty, funeral, insulting, sex, wife