A statistician's wife had twins.
He was delighted.
He rang the minister who was also delighted.
"Bring them to church on Sunday and we'll baptize them," said the minister.
"No," replied the statistician.
"Baptize one. We'll keep the other as a control."
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Why was the math textbook so sad?
He had a lot of problems!
What is the shortest mathematicians joke?
Let epsilon be smaller than zero.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Q: What's a polygon?
A: A dead parrot.
Chuck Norris can convert kilograms into centimeters.
Vote:
You've heard that Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice, right?
Well he's currently making his third attempt.
Vote:
An engineer and a physicist are in a hot-air balloon.
After a few hours they lose track of where they are and descend to get directions.
They yell to a jogger, "Hey, can you tell us where we're at?"
After a few moments the jogger responds, "You're in a hot-air balloon."
The engineer says, "You must be a mathematician."
The jogger, shocked, responds, "yeah, how did you know I was a mathematician?"
"Because, it took you far too long to come up with your answer, it was 100% correct, and it was completely useless."
Chuck Norris knows the last number of infinity.
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What did the 0 say to the 8?
Nice belt!
A guy is flying in a hot air balloon and he's lost.
So he lowers himself over a field and shouts to a guy on the ground:"Can you tell me where I am, and which way I'm headed?"
"Sure! You're at 43 degrees, 12 minutes, 21.2 seconds north; 123 degrees, 8 minutes, 12.8 seconds west. You're at 212 meters above sea level. Right now, you're hovering, but on your way in here you were at a speed of 1.83 meters per second at 1.929 radians"
"Thanks! By the way, are you a statistician?"
"I am! But how did you know?"
"Everything you've told me is completely accurate; you gave me more detail than I needed, and you told me in such a way that it's no use to me at all!"
"Dang! By the way, are you a principal investigator?"
"Geeze! How'd you know that?"
"You don't know where you are, you don't know where you're going. You got where you are by blowing hot air, you start asking questions after you get into trouble, and you're in exactly the same spot you were a few minutes ago, but now, somehow, it's my fault!"