A statistician's wife had twins.
He was delighted.
He rang the minister who was also delighted.
"Bring them to church on Sunday and we'll baptize them," said the minister.
"No," replied the statistician.
"Baptize one. We'll keep the other as a control."
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Billy: "I was playing basketball and an Asian crossed me."
Mark: "Haha, how does an Asian cross you?"
Billy: "Because he crosses multiplies."
What did the 0 say to the 8?
Nice belt!
A teacher asked a student to write 55.
Student asked: How?
Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5!
The student wrote 5 and stopped.
Teacher: What are you waiting for?
Student: I don't know which side to write the other 5!
A math teacher asks a pupil, what are 3, 5, 7 and 11?
The pupil thinks for a moment and then replies, "On 3 there is cartoon network, on 5 we have cartoon network, on 7 dad checks out news-bulletin and the channel that comes by pressing 11 on the remote is FTV, which my brother watches late at night."
Vote:
Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911?
A: Because she couldn't find the 11
Teacher: "Little Johnny, give me a sentence using the word, 'geometry.'"
Little Johnny: "A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, 'Gee, I'm a tree.'"
Vote:
A man started to town with a fox, a goose, and a sack of corn.
He came to a stream which he had to cross in a tiny boat.
He could only take one across at a time.
He could not leave the fox alone with the goose or the goose alone with the corn.
How did he get them all safely over the stream?
He took the goose over first and came back.
Then he took the fox across and brought the goose back.
Next he took the corn over.
He came back alone and took the goose.
Little Johnny was doing his math homework.
He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the called Little Johnny's teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in class?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, the sum of which is four."
Vote:
Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?
Pupil: That's not fair! You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!