Joke #5572

A man in the Florida supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce. The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he'll ask his manager about it. Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standingright behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half." The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way. Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?" "Canada, sir," the boy replied. "Well, why did you leave Canada?" the manager asked. The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there." "Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada." "No sh*t?" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?"
Vote: has 74.97 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. "Here’s that $20 I owe you," he says.
Vote: has 69.19 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men
A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what?” “What dear?” She asked gently. “I think you bring me bad luck.”
Vote: has 68.73 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: business, health, husband, men
Men are like.....Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Vote: has 35.66 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, men
Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week? Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".
Vote: has 56.86 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, husband, men
While reading the newspaper, Walter came across an article about a beautiful actress and model who married a boxer who was not noted for his IQ. "I'll never understand," he said to his wife, "why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives." His wife replied: "Thank you, dear!"
Vote: has 80.46 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, communication, men, stupid, women
Q: Why is it jewish men won't go down on a woman? A: Too close to the gas chamber.
Vote: has 55.57 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, dirty, jewish, men, women
Two guys die in a car accident and an angel descends from heaven. "I am to give you your wings so you can fly to heaven. But if you think one dirty thought or act out one dirty act your wings will fall off." So they fly to heaven without any trouble but when they get there the first guy sees a naked woman walk by so his wings falll off. When he bends over to pick them up the second guy's wings fall off.
Vote: has 74.94 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men
How many men does it take to screw a light bulb? A. One - men will screw anything. B. One - men will screw up anything. C. Five - one to actually do the screwing, four to listen to him brag about it.
Vote: has 50.45 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: light bulb, men
A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him. The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her. He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face." The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report. She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!"
Vote: has 49.51 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, love, men
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a women are their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
Vote: has 56.84 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, men, women