"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something."
Confucius say, man who fart in church sit in own pew.
A man enters a store and says: "15 litres of wine please." "Did you bring a container for this? " "You're speaking to it."
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"
Why do women make better soldiers? Because they can bleed for a week and not die.
Sex is when a guys communication, enters a girls information, to increase the population, for a younger generation, do you get the information... or do you need a demonstration.
A man is in a mall and sees a clothes store. He sees a magnificent, brand new jacket in the shop window and decides he shall try it on and buy it. So he walks into the shop and asks an employee: "Excuse me sir." "How can I help you" the employee replies. "Could I by any chance try on that jacket in your shop window?" The employee looks at him and says "No you shall not you are to try it on in the changing rooms like everybody else!"
What is a man's idea of helping with housework? Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
Why were men given larger brains than dogs? A.So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties. B.So they wouldn't stop to play with every other man they see when you take them around the block.
I only wanted to have a child, not marry one.
Men are born between the legs of women and spend all their life trying to get back between them. Why? Theres no place like home ...