How are men and parking spots alike?
The good ones are always taken and the ones that are left are handicapped.
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Boy: "You know unlike all these other guys, I can make you really happy"
Girl: "Why are you leaving?"
What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
Any place without a drive-up window.
What did God say after she made Eve?
"Practice makes perfect."
Bigamy is having one husband too many.
Some say monogamy is the same.
After an accident...
1st Driver : I flashed the headlights and told you to let me go first.
2nd Driver : I also started the wipers and said NO NO...
Men are like.....Commercials.
You can't believe a word they say
Bob saw his doctor and asked if he had ever laughed at a patient.
"In over 20 years I haven't because I try to remain professional."
With that Bob dropped his trousers revealing the tiniest dick the doctor had ever seen.
It wasn't any bigger than a AAA battery.
The doctor burst into uncontrolable hysteria.
"I'm sorry I really am, I don't know what came over me, I promise it won't happen again.
Now what seems to be the problem?"
"It's swollen" said Bob.
A classic Tommy Cooper gag "I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?"
He said, "How flexible are you?"
I said, "I can't make Tuesdays", was fifth.
I am a marvelous housekeeper.
Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
There is the chief of Indians, and he is going down a field with his tribe, and they come across a pile of sh*t.So the chief asks his tribe men :
"Does this look like sh*t to you?"
"Yes is does", they replied.
"Smell it. Does it smell like sh*t to you", asks the Chief.
"Mmmmm..Yes"
"Feel it. Does it feel like sh*t to you?", says the Chief.
"Mmmmm..Yes"
"Lick it. Does it taste like sh*t to you?", inquires the Chief.
"Ammmm...Yes"
"Good. Don't step on it!"