Joke #5129

Q. What do you call a sensitive, intelligent man? A. An oxymoron.
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has 48.26 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: men

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Charlie was responsible for taking up the offerings at a local church. One Sunday, after the service, the priest counted the money and found there was less than anticipated, given the size of the congregation. He took Charlie aside and questioned him. Charlie said that he did not take any of the offerings. The priest questioned him again and again and Charlie continued to insist that he did not take any of the offerings. So, the priest told Charlie to get into the confessional, which he did. The priest then asked him again, "Charlie, did you take any of the offering?" This time, Charlie replied, "I can’t hear you." The priest asked Charlie the same question several times and Charlie would always reply, "I can’t hear you." Finally, the priest yelled, "Charlie, did you take any of the offering?" Again, the reply was, "I can’t hear you." The priest was now beginning to get angry, so he came out of the confessional and said to Charlie, "Trade places with me and you can ask me a question." So, they traded places and Charlie asked, "Is it true that you and my wife are having an affair?" To which the priest replied, "By golly, you’re right, you can’t hear in here!"
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has 84.13 % from 139 votes. More jokes about: church, men, money, priest, wife
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out and again went to the mail box, opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL.'"
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has 59.41 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: blonde, computer, men, stupid
God gave man his penis and his brain but blood only enough to work one another at a time.
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has 62.63 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: god, men, work
A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That’s a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. "As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most – cars and men. Therefore I chose 'Carmen'" "What’s your name?” she asked. He answered "B. J. Titsengolf."
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has 82.64 % from 207 votes. More jokes about: car, family, golf, men, women
Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. So if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
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has 78.00 % from 162 votes. More jokes about: men
How are men like diplomas? You spend lots of time getting one, but once you have it, you don't know what to do with it.
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has 46.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: men
What does a man call true love? An erection.
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: men
Two friends meet each other on the street.”Hello! Where are you coming from?” asked Bill.” Oh, don’t ask me! I’m coming from the cemetery. I just buried my mother-in-law” replied Sid. ”I’m so sorry!” said Bill, “But why is your face scratched all over?”. ”It wasn’t so easy!” said Sid, “She put on a hell of a fight!”
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has 77.33 % from 147 votes. More jokes about: death, men
Five Important Qualities 1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job. 2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh. 3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you. 4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you. 5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
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has 84.78 % from 565 votes. More jokes about: men
Why are men like blenders? You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
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has 51.34 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: men