Joke #9849

Why did the moron give the sleepy cow a hammer? He wanted her to hit the hay!
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Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus? A: I want to hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand.
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Little Susan was helping her mother to set the table, cause her father invited over his company managers. When everybody sat on the table, her mother noticed that a flatware set was missing. "Susan, why didn’t you put flatware on Mr. Marc’s seat?" "I thought that I didn’t have to, since dad told us that Mr. Marc, eats like a pig…"
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What lives in the ocean, is grouchy and hates neighbours? A hermit crab.
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Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.
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What's a rabbits favorite movie? Rabbits of the Lost Ark.
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A Guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says, "I bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play." The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing the guitar. The octopus' owner pockets the fifty bucks. The next guy comes up with a trumpet, octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks it's lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus' owner. The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back, coming back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm. He puts them on the bar and says to the guy, "Now if your octopus can play that I'll give you a hundred dollars." The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, and has another look from a different angle. Puzzled, the octopus' owner comes up and says, "What are you pissing around for? Hurry up and play the damn thing!" The octopus says, "Play it? If I can figure out how to get it's pajama's off, I'm gonna screw it!"
Vote: has 66.24 % from 100 votes. Send joke:
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The judge: Why did you shoot the rabbit without being a member of the hunters association? The inculpated: Why did the rabbit eat cabbage from my garden, without being a family member?
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A man and a woman were on a nude beach when a wasp flew into the woman's vagina. In a rush the guy pulled on his shorts, wrapped a towel around the woman, and ran to the hospital. When they got there the doctor said, "The only way I can think to get the wasp out is to slather some honey on my penis and lure it out." The doctor then offered his services for a mere $50. After a long pause, the couple agreed. The doctor happily slathered on some honey and went in. After a couple of thrusts the husband said, "Hey, what the hell is going on?" The doctor says, "Change of plans I'm going to drown the bastard."
Vote: has 75.00 % from 119 votes. Send joke:
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Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
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What do you call a dinosaur drinking Tequila? Tyrannosaurus Mex.
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