Joke #9849

Why did the moron give the sleepy cow a hammer? He wanted her to hit the hay!
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has 48.26 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal

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A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passengers had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said "I wish you could talk." The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down. "You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer. Again, the monkey shook his head up and down. "Well, did you see this?" "Yes," motioned the monkey. "What happened?" The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth. "They were drinking?" asked the officer. "Yes." "What else?" The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth. "They were smoking marijuana?" "Yes." "Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, and smoking marijuana before they wrecked." "Yes." "What were you doing during all this?" "Driving" motioned the monkey.
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has 78.08 % from 173 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, cop, death
Are shellfish warm? No they re clammy.
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal
A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge three-toed feet?" The mother replies, "Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand." "Okay," said the son. A few minutes later the son asks, "Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?" "They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert," "Thanks Mom," replies the son. After a short while, the son returns and asks, "Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back?" The mother, now a little impatient with the boy replies, "They are there to help us store fat for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without water for long periods." "That's great mom, so we have huge feet to stop us sinking, and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes and these humps to store water, but Mom ..." "Yes son?" "What good does all that do us here in the San Diego Zoo?"
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has 52.41 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby
A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."
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has 44.92 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal
What do you call an operation on a rabbit? A hare-cut.
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has 73.52 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: animal
Chuck Norris was once so famished, he ate Turkey. The country there now is only an impostor.
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has 48.02 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, food
Drunk man stumbles upstairs late at night and bursts through the bedroom door with a duck under his arm. He announces to his now awake annoyed wife that "This is the pig I've been screwing." The wife unimpressed said "You drunk arsehole... That's a duck". The bloke looks down at the duck and then looks back up at his wife and says... "I was talking to the duck!"
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has 83.85 % from 173 votes. More jokes about: animal, drunk, mean, vulgar, wife
Why couldn't the rabbit fly home for Easter? He didn't have the hare fare.
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has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, easter
Why did the tadpole feel lonely? Because he was newt to the area.
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal
First Caribou: Which bug does amazing motor cycle stunts? Second Caribou: Evel Boll Weevil.
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has 48.26 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal