What is the definition of "moon"?
The past tense of "moo"!
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How do jockeys determine which racehorses are the favourites?
They take a gallop poll!
What do you get if you cross a hippo, elephant and a rhino?
A Helephino!!
A nude guy was sunbathing at the beach, a little girl comes to him, he covers his private parts with a newspaper.
The little girl asks, "hats under there?"
So the man answers , "A bird..."
The girl goes away & the man falls asleep. When he wakes up, he finds himself in a hospital & in alot of pain.
A doctor comes up to his bed & asks, 'What happened?'
The man answers, "I don't know. I was at the beach & fell asleep after talking to a little girl."
So the doctor tells this to the Police, and they go to the beach to find any witnesses.
When they got there, they see the little girl the man was talking about.
So they ask her if she did anything to the man...?
She answers, "I din't do anything to the man, but he was sleeping, I played with his bird, After a while, it spat at me, so i broke its neck, burnt its nest, and smashed all its eggs!"
One day at the Ricki Lake Show, the topic was ghosts.
Before the show, she asks the audience: "Who here has ever sensed the presence of a ghost?" and 5 people raise their hand.
Then she asks "Who here has ever seen a ghost?" and 3 people raise their hand.
Then she asks "Okay, now who here has ever had sex with a ghost?" and 1 person, an old man raises his hand.
So she goes up to this old man and says "what was it like?" and he said "Oh…it was great! Never had any like it before!"
and she asked "Really? So the ghost was good?"
and the old man said "Ghost? I thought you said goat!"
If it looks like chicken tastes like chicken and smells like chicken and Chuck Norris says it's beef then it's beef.
Vote:
"Pa's being chased by a bull!"
"Well, what in tarnation do you want me to do about it?"
"Get me some film for my camera."
How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg?
Unhoppy.
Why does the chicken is sad?
Because his dad is a cock.
Why does the chicken is even more sad?
Because he faces the same future.
That tornado damage your cow barn any?
Dunno.
Haven't found the durn thing yet.