Joke #3654

A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."
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has 44.92 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal

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A lawyer and his Czechoslovakian friend were camping in a backwoods section of Maine. Early one morning, the two went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast. As they went around the berry patch, gathering blueberries and raspberries in tremendous quantities, along came two huge bears - a male and a female. The lawyer, seeing the two bears, immediately dashed for cover. His friend, though, wasn't so lucky, and the male bear reached him and swallowed him whole. The lawyer ran back to his Mercedes, tore into town as fast as he could, and got the local backwoods sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his shotgun and dashed back to the berry patch with the lawyer. Sure enough, the two bears were still there. "He's in THAT one!" cried the lawyer, pointing to the male, while visions of lawsuits from his friend's family danced in his head. He just had to save his friend. The sheriff looked at the bears, and without batting an eye, leveled his gun, took careful aim and shot the female. "Whatdidja do that for!" exclaimed the lawyer, "I said he was in the other!" "Exactly," replied the sheriff. "Would YOU believe a lawyer who told you the Czech was in the male?"
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has 78.47 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, food, friendship, lawyer
A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied "I don't know, it all happened so fast."
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
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has 52.10 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, Chuck Norris, time
Does running out of a burning barn make a cow unusual? No, only medium rare.
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
A man bought a dachshund for his six children so they’d have a dog they could all pet at once.
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Question: Why did the Army send do many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf? Answer: They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.
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has 30.43 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, military, women
Two snakes are talking. One of them turns to the other and asks, "Are we venomous?" The other replays, "Yes,why?..." "I just bit ma lip."
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has 57.16 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: What's the difference between Chuck Norris and a bear? A: Chuck Norris has more chest hair.
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has 41.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
Where did the mooron take the baby cow to eat? To the calf-ateria.
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has 49.61 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal
Chuck Norris was once bitten by a venomous cobra .... After 5 days of excrutiating pain the cobra Eventually died
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has 60.84 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death