There was this nouveau riche blond girl, who went to the nearest Mercedes showroom with a pocketful of dollars, and came out with the latest model.
Half an hour later she was back at the showroom, claiming a that the car they sold her was terrible, that she was disappointed a brand-new Mercedes would get a fault in the gearbox after 15 minutes.
The management apologized and gave her a new car.
Again, after half an hour she came back.
The management offered her a new car, but sent along one of their engineers to see if they could figure out what the problem was.
She put in the first gear...speed up...put in second...third...fourth...fifth...
“And now,” she said, “for the rocket,” and threw it in reverse.
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The new office-boy came into his boss's office and said, "I think you re wanted on the phone, sir."
"What d you mean, you think?" demanded the boss.
"Well, sir, the phone rang, I answered it and a voice said is that you, you old fool?"
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Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
The clerk walks into the boss's office and says,
"The auditors have just left, sir."
"Have they finished checking the books?", asks the boss.
"Very thoroughly," is the reply.
"Well, what did they say", says the boss.
"They want 15% to keep quiet."
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Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
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A 92-year old woman had a full cardiac arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital.
After about thirty minutes of unsuccessful resuscitation attempts the old lady was pronounced dead.
The doctor went to tell the lady's 78-year old daughter (who wasn't blonde any longer, but just had to be at one time) that her mother didn't make it.
"Didn't make it? Where could they be? She left in the ambulance forty-five minutes ago!" the former blonde asked.
On a Roman warship, the galley boss looked over his slaves and shouted, "Today I have good news. All of you are getting extra food tonight."
The slaves all looked at him in silence, except one decrepit old man in the back, who moaned, "Oh God, no, not again."
A new slave next to him asked, "Why are you moaning?"
"This only happens when the Captain's nephew wants to water ski."
Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A: Bigfoot, because they don't exist.
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Three fans were bemoaning the sorry state of their football team.
"I blame the general manager," said the first fan. "If he signed better players, we'd be a great team."
"I blame the players," said the
second fan. "If they made more of
an effort, we'd score some points."
"I blame my parents," said the third. "If I'd been born in Seattle,
I'd be supporting a decent team."
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Q: Why did the blonde take more than one pregnancy test?
A: Because she slept with more than one guy.
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.
He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee".
The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up".
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns.
He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me want coffee".
The waiter says "Whoa, Tonto. We're still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the heck was that all about, anyway?"
The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me in training for upper management. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the shit, and disappear for the rest of the day."
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