Joke #5761

Ben asks his new girlfriend for a hand job. "Ive never done that" she says, "what do I do ?" "Well" replies Ben, "remember when you were a kid and you'd shake a coke bottle and spray your brother with it ... that's what you do." She nods, so he pulls his manhood out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it. A minute later, he has tears running down his face, snot flowing from his nose and wax flying from his ears. She asks 'Whats wrong ?' Ben cries "TAKE YOUR FUCKING THUMB OFF THE END!"

Three women were debating about how wide their pussy are. The first one said: "When my husband makes sex he puts his penis and his testicles in my pussy." The second lady said: "Wooo when we are in bed my husband puts his hand and his arm in mine." It was the turn of the third woman that pointed to her pussy and said: Jimy; Jimy come out, please."

A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, and what does it look like?" "Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose." "Wow, what does it look like after sex?" "Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?"

There was a boy watching tv with his parents. A sex scene comes on. The boy asks what the people are doing. The mom said "they were just making a cake." The boy goes"oh yea, I saw u and daddy making a cake yesterday and I Licked up all the icing."

Q: What did the blonde's mother say when she asked if she could lick the bowl? A: "Just flush it like everybody else does."

A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel on his penis. The bartender says to him, "You know you've got a ship's wheel on your penis?" And the pirate says, "Argh, I know. It drives me nuts."

Q: How are rape and an airplane similar? A: The ride gets more annoying when the kid starts screaming.

How do you make a snooker table laugh. Put your hands in its pocket and tickle its balls.

A man comes home and tells his wife to tell him something that is going to laugh and cry. Wife thinks for a minute and says... "of all your friends you have the biggest dick."

A little old man who's hard of hearing goes to see the doctor. As he can't hear very well, he takes his wife with him. The doctor examines the man and then says, "Hmm, I think we need to take a stool sample, a urine sample and a sperm sample." The old man turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?" The wife replies, "He said he wants your underwear."

How do you make a woman scream twice in the bedroom? Fuck her in the ass then wipe your dick on the curtains.