Home is where the wifi connects automatically.
Q: How many Microsoft engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None, they just declare darkness the standard!
How do insects communicate? By bee mail.
99 little bugs in the code, 99 bugs in the code, 1 bug fixed... Compile again, 100 little bugs in the code.
Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in a vivid display, an angelic chorus pouring from the speakers. Satan is astonished, ‘How did he manage that?’ God replies, ‘You might have lost everything, but Jesus saves.’
I needed to quickly run a SQL command to update a single row in an Oracle DB table at work. To my horror, it came back with –2,193,674 rows affected.
Yo mama's so fat when she made a YouTube account the entire network crashed.
Q: Why do Java programmers have to wear glasses? A: Because they don't C#.
Chuck Norris doesn't go on the Internet, he has every Internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.
How can you tell which one of your friends has the new iPhone 6 plus? Don't worry, they'll let you know.
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue…