Joke #5793

I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day.
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How do some men define Roe vs. Wade? Two ways to cross a river.
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Two strangers meet on a golf course and decide to play together. One man says, "I'm a salesman. What about you?" "I'm a hit man for the mob," replies the second man. He pulls out a high powered rifle loaded with scopes and sights. He then asks the man where he lives. Nervously, the first man replies, "In a subdivision just west of here. Gray roof, yellow siding." "You got a silver compact and a red pickup?" "The compact is my wife's car, but that's my buddy Jeff's truck." The hit man looks through the scope again. "Well, they're going at it like teenagers in your bedroom." "I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot him in the balls." The hit man says, "I get paid $5,000 per shot." "I don't care! Just do it!" The hit man takes careful aim and says, "This is your lucky day. You're going to get a two for one!"
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General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKensie asks: "So how are your men?" "Very well trained, Gral. McKenzie." "I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they're the bravest men all over the country." "Well, my men are very brave, too." "I'd like to see that." So Marshall calls private Cooper and says: "Private Johnson! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!" "Are you crazy? It'd kill me, you idiot! I'm out of here!" As private Johnson ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said: "You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general."
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What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
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Q: What is the difference between a puppy and a man? A: Eventually the puppy will grow up and stop whining.
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Why are men like blenders? You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
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How are men and parking spots alike? The good ones are always taken and the ones that are left are handicapped.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
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Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A. A widow.
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What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man? Big Foot's been spotted several times.
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