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Warning ladies!
Never trust a man who calls you "SEXY".
This is why. When he removes the letter 'Y' it means you're down for "SEX". After sex, he will remove the letter "S" and start calling you his "EX".
Men are like a fine wine.
They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something we'd want to have dinner with.
Q: What is height of Stupidity?
A: A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
Every man thinks he's a dream of every woman.
Sorry guys, but the dream of every woman is eating all the time and not to get fat.
What does a man call true love?
An erection.
Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A. Breasts don't have eyes.
A man walks into a bar and says "I just got back from the battered woman's shelter, and boy are my arms tired."
Everyone laughed.
The man sat at the end of the bar drinking alone.
He was proud of the fine craftsmanship of the shelves he put up in the shelter's pantry, regardless of what others may think.
How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.
Man walks over to a lady in a bar and asks "whats your name ?"
"Carmen" she replies,... "I like cars and men ! Whats yours ?"
The man looks her up and down and sayes "Beerpussy ..."
We are already 2 years together with my girlfriend and decided to get married.
My parents helped as much as they could and all my my friends said it’s a really good idea!
My girlfriend?
She is a dream!
But there is something that bothers me! This something is her little sister…
This is my future 20 years old sister-in-law , wearing a super skinny, mini skirts and short blouses.
Always lean ahead and I was often lucky to see her underwear.
She never did that in front of someone else!
One day she calls me and asks me to go home to see the wedding invitations.
When I arrived she was alone.
She whispered that soon I get married and that she has feelings for me for long time and that she thinks she cann’t overcome them.
She also said that she desperately wanted to have sex with me just once before I marry her sister.
I was shocked and could not say a word…
She said to me that she goes to bed and asked if I wanted to go up with her.
I froze and looked at her going up the stairs.
Going up, she took her panties off and threw it at me.
I stayed there for a moment and then ran to the door.
I opened it and I walked to the car.
My future father-in-law was standing outside with tears in his eyes, hugged me and said: "I’m glad you passed this little test and I am sure that my daughter could not find a better man. Welcome to the family, my son!"
Moral Lesson: Always keep your condoms in your car!