What's the difference between a man and an ox? Fifteen pounds and a six-pack.
Men come in three sizes: Small, medium, and OOoohhh yesss!
Husband: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? Wife: Turn sideways and look in the mirror.
2 boys searching for their lost girlfriends: 1st: How your girlfriend look like? 2nd: 5'6, hot, sexy, blue eyes... what about yours? 1st: Forget about mine.. lets search for yours.
Q: There is a $100 bill sitting in the middle of a 4 way intersection, at one side there is a man hating dike, at another side, there is Santa, at another side there is the Easter Bunny, and at the las side there is a man loving lesbian. Who gets the $100 bill? A: The man hating dike because all others are a figure of your imagination.
How does a man show he's planning for the Future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Why are men like laxatives? They can irritate the s**t out of you.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Why are all jokes about women one-liners? So men can understand them.
A man and a woman are lying in bed, watching the ceiling and keep quiet. What are they thinking? The woman thinks, "He keeps quiet. He doesn’t want to talk. May be he’s get tired of me. He doesn’t love me anymore. He’s probably got someone else. I see. We’ll have to separate each other." The man thinks, "A fly. A fly on the ceiling. Wow! How keep it there and don’t fall?"