Chuck Norris dosen't get lost... Everything around him is in the wrong place!
Chuck Norris doesn't lift weights he tells his muscles to get bigger.
Chuck Norris is so sharp you can cut yourself just by looking at him.
Chuck Norris CAN get blood from a stone.
When Chuck Norris watches a horror movie, Chuck Norris dosen't scream, the movie does.
Chuck Norris does not open doors. Tthe doors have the common courtesy to open for him
Chuck Norris can win an argument with his wife.
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Chuck Norris's nutsack.
Chuck Norris once gave a fire hydrant a ticket for being next to his parked car.
Chuck Norris can copy and paste on a typewriter.
Chuck gives the sun the chills.