Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
What's better than 10 dead babies in 1 bag? 1 dead baby in 10 bags.
Q: Who may open the door without using hands, nor legs? A: An invalid.
Two boiled eggs in a pan, one says "Hot in here in it", other says "You think it's hot in here, wait till you get outside they smash your head in."
Knock knock. Who's there? Allahu Akbar. Allahu AK- BOOM!!!
After a long labour, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, "Ma'am, I've got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?" After quickly thinking it over, she responds, "I'll have the bad news first doctor". The doctor replies, "We'll, I'm not sure how to put this, and I'm sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair". Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother face. "Doctor, if that's the bad news, what's the good news". The doctor replies, "He's dead".
Two bums are sitting talking. The first one starts bragging, "Today was the best day ever! This morning I found a brand new pack of smokes just sitting on the ground. So you know what I did? I sat and smoked every fucking one of them... had the best day ever." The second bum just laughs, "That's nothing, today I was walking along the rail road tracks and I found this girl laying on the tracks. You know what I did? I fucked her all day long." The other bum interrupts, "Bull! You didn't do it all day long did you?", the other continues, "Well, no but it was for at least a few good hours, best day of my life." The first bums asks, "So did she give you a good blowjob?" The other replies no. "How could you possibly be getting busy with this girl for hours, and she doesn't even give you a blow job?" To which the other replies, "How could she? She didn't have a head!"
There was a 3 car accident in Mexico yesterday, 84 people were found dead.
Patient: "Are you sure that you can do this operation safely?" Doctor: "That is what I want to find out myself."
What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night ? Crib death.
Why did the nigger cross the road? Who the fuck cares, why is he out of the cotton field?