Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
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Similar jokes
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A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home.
In the den was a stuffed lion.
The visiting hunter asked, “When did you bag him?”
The host said proudly, “That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife.”
“What’s he stuffed with,” asked the visiting hunter.
“My ex-wife” replied the hunter.
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How long does it take a black lady to shit?
About 9 months.
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A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world.
After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart.
Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart.
He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left nipple.
The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the left knee.
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Q: How do you fit 60,000 Jews in a minivan?
A: With a dustpan.
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It's a slow day in heaven, so St. Peter decides to show a new guy around.
St. Peter shows him all of the sights: the golf course, library, observation deck, cafeteria and a huge room full of clocks.
"What's up with those clocks, Peter?"
"Everyone on Earth has a clock that shows how much time he has left.
When a clock runs out of time, the person dies and comes to the gates to be judged."
The guy notices that some of the clocks are going faster than others.
St. Peter tells him that every time a living person tells a lie, it speeds up his clock.
The guy notices one clock in the center of the ceiling with both hands whirling around at an unbelievable rate.
"What's the story with that clock?"
"Oh, that," St. Peter replies.
That's George W. Bush's clock. We decided to use it as a fan."
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One day, Muhammad's wife called him a pedophile.
In response, Muhammad asked his wife, "So, how does a 9-year-old know such a big word like that?"
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How can you help a starving cannibal?
Give him a helping hand.
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Patient: “Doctor, Doctor… I can’t stop stealing things”.
Doctor: “Take these pills for a week. If that doesn’t work, I’ll have a color TV”.
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What's red and crawls up your leg?
A homesick miscarriage.
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John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital.
One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool.
David jumped in and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act.
He immediately order David to be discharged from the mental hospital as he is OK.
Doctor: "We have good news and bad news for you, David. The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, since you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a normal person. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died."
David: "Doctor, he didn’t hang himself. I hung him there to dry."
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