A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.
"Let's have sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.
"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac.
There was silence, and then the masochist said: "Meow."
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Bill Gates goes to purgatory.
St. Peter says, "Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things.
Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go".
First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with beautiful women running on beaches.
Then, St Peter shows Bill an image of Heaven with robed angels playing harps on clouds.
Bill chooses Hell.
About a week later, St. Peter checks in on Bill in Hell and finds him being whipped by demons.
Bill says to St. Peter, "What happened to all the beautiful women and the beaches?"
St. Peter replies, "That was just the screen saver."
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When he saw it giggled and said: "What a bad luck! Look what a part of a dog I've to eat!"
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Did you hear that Princess Di was on the radio a couple of weeks ago?
Yep, and on the dashboard, and on the window, and on the hood....
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A daughter wakes up at 3 a.m. and asks her mother:
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"Daddy will get back soon and he will tell both of us a fairy tale..."
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A: It only takes one nail to hang a painting.
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Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend on the wall?
A: To see her crack.
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A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?"
"Yes," replies the murderer. "Can you please hold my hand?"
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How did they know that the driver had dandruff?
They found his head and shoulders in the glove box.
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